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xsinonskinx

Seattle

Member Since 2003

Followers 110 Following 52

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Tuesday Apr 12, 2005

Apr 12, 2005
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I wonder how not figured out my decisions really are. I mean who is to say that everything needs to be about having a certain body next to you. I have been fixating on what a failure at relationships I am because everyone around me is in these perfect relationships when in actuality they are all really fucked up. Are relationships just a codependent existance? Sometimes I feel like they are.... what is stopping me from understanding and taking pride in my self worth without the existance of a man, or woman for that matter. Everyone at work is always like, "I bet you will make some man really happy one day." Who the fuck cares... I bet I'll make me really happy one day. I am not suited for a man anyway and I am way too insensitive for a woman so what is with the emphasis on a fucking relationship anyway? If I haven't seen someone in a long time, "oh so you have a boyfriend?" no I don't, then they reply with, "Oh I'm sure you'll find him soon." Soon... I am 22 Why do I need to find anyone soon?

I met this tattoo artist at the convention and we hit it off. He wants me to come visit him in Jax beach and I was thinking why would I do that? What is the point in driving to see and possibly getting attached to someone if it wont go anywhere? Doesn't that leave me exactly where I was? In meaningless relationships that go no where. Then I thought, I am only 22 and he was fun. Why not have a little fun? Then I wondered if that is why we hit it off. I have to keep my emotions on reserve because it wont work out... he is unavailable and there for safe. Maybe I am contimplating all of this because an excuse to not go is because I am afraind I will enjoy him and to deny myself of the chance is even safer.

Oh the decisions.... at times I wish I had a real life so that I could obsess over real things that don't consist of boys, they are such an amusing hobbie though.... I think I need a new one because I had to give up shoes for a while.... My taste is too expensive.

ARRR!!!
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
jackskellington3:
your a strong person if you feel like you need to be alone for a while than that's what you need to do. but if you feel like you need to give him a shoot than do that, remember that sometimes we have to take chances. SOmetimes they pay off, and others times they don't that's all we can do,

I'm sure you'll make the right choose
Apr 12, 2005
jackskellington3:
I knew it was him, you told me about it when you called me on your way home on sunday. he seemed like a good guy, but I didn't talk to him has much as you did.

you know that sometimes you hace to take chances, that's the only way that we can find happiness
Apr 13, 2005

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