What Do I Get?
So following up on my rant from a few days ago...I woke up this morning with the most sore back ever; I also think I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep. One word: stress. Stressed the fuck out. It all started Wednesday night when I went to go see the boy I like; the night started out fairly well, I surprised him with a Star Wars mug (who wouldn't like that? plus it was from the original movies). I cooked for him, we ate, had a few beers, watched TV. At one point my ass thought it would be brilliant to pretty much say everything that was on my mind. It's not a terrible idea, I'm sure no one likes holding their feelings in, I know I don't, but the timing was awful. I should never have to start out an "I like you speech" with a prologue that goes something like, "Ok so I know this is terrible timing since you just broke up with your girlfriend of one year, and I know the last thing you want right now is a relationship, but I have been wanting to say this for a while now..." Yeah I should've just stopped myself right there because what came out of my mouth was pretty much the answer I would recieve back. It's very hard to look someone directly in the eyes, hold their hand, and say, "For the past four years that I've known you, I've grown to care about you a lot, and I've liked you all this time. I've liked you ever since I met you way back in the day when you came to work with me. I feel like we've had this connection and we've always tried to work towards something, but something always got in the way, I always had you in the back of my mind regardless. So, I just wanted to let you know that because I can't hold it in anymore and because we're both single now and we've been spending a lot of time together (making out lol)." So, when you kinda put it all out there, you'd hope to get this amazing response like, "I'm so glad you said it before I did I was too scared but I feel the same way" and then you embrace and a shooting star goes by in the night time sky haha yeah but no I kinda got the response I knew I was going to get... "I mean I obviously feel the same but I want to be single for a while, I don't want to lead you on, youre certainly not a rebound otherwise I would've tried to get my fuck on way earlier in the game, but we need to take baby steps" Is it worth it for me to wait? I know I shouldn't dedicate my time to him, that's pretty obvious, but I've waited so long for this guy and now I feel like an ass.
When will it be my time to find someone? I feel like I've been extremely patient, I've gone through a lot of bullshit, I feel like I don't deserve the shit end of everything and yet over and over I always end up in tears. I don't need anyone to complete me, that's not the problem here. I'm fine being alone for a while. The problem here is randomly being with a person, spending time with them, getting to know them, getting to like them a lot, getting attached, and suddenly getting fucked over, that's the problem. Can we please just stop being assholes?
And I sign off for now....
-Sandra
So following up on my rant from a few days ago...I woke up this morning with the most sore back ever; I also think I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep. One word: stress. Stressed the fuck out. It all started Wednesday night when I went to go see the boy I like; the night started out fairly well, I surprised him with a Star Wars mug (who wouldn't like that? plus it was from the original movies). I cooked for him, we ate, had a few beers, watched TV. At one point my ass thought it would be brilliant to pretty much say everything that was on my mind. It's not a terrible idea, I'm sure no one likes holding their feelings in, I know I don't, but the timing was awful. I should never have to start out an "I like you speech" with a prologue that goes something like, "Ok so I know this is terrible timing since you just broke up with your girlfriend of one year, and I know the last thing you want right now is a relationship, but I have been wanting to say this for a while now..." Yeah I should've just stopped myself right there because what came out of my mouth was pretty much the answer I would recieve back. It's very hard to look someone directly in the eyes, hold their hand, and say, "For the past four years that I've known you, I've grown to care about you a lot, and I've liked you all this time. I've liked you ever since I met you way back in the day when you came to work with me. I feel like we've had this connection and we've always tried to work towards something, but something always got in the way, I always had you in the back of my mind regardless. So, I just wanted to let you know that because I can't hold it in anymore and because we're both single now and we've been spending a lot of time together (making out lol)." So, when you kinda put it all out there, you'd hope to get this amazing response like, "I'm so glad you said it before I did I was too scared but I feel the same way" and then you embrace and a shooting star goes by in the night time sky haha yeah but no I kinda got the response I knew I was going to get... "I mean I obviously feel the same but I want to be single for a while, I don't want to lead you on, youre certainly not a rebound otherwise I would've tried to get my fuck on way earlier in the game, but we need to take baby steps" Is it worth it for me to wait? I know I shouldn't dedicate my time to him, that's pretty obvious, but I've waited so long for this guy and now I feel like an ass.
When will it be my time to find someone? I feel like I've been extremely patient, I've gone through a lot of bullshit, I feel like I don't deserve the shit end of everything and yet over and over I always end up in tears. I don't need anyone to complete me, that's not the problem here. I'm fine being alone for a while. The problem here is randomly being with a person, spending time with them, getting to know them, getting to like them a lot, getting attached, and suddenly getting fucked over, that's the problem. Can we please just stop being assholes?
And I sign off for now....
-Sandra
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
"