I truly don't understand the concept of small talk. Why, god, WHY? It's the number one reason most of my friends are guys. Females just have this freakish desire to start yapping to complete strangers about the most inane things.
Prime example: I was packing up my stuff at the end of a class, and this girl who always sits next to me noticed my notebook, which I decorated with pirate card embellishments (
) and scrapbook paper. I've received a lot of compliments from random classmates, so I didn't think anything of it--I just gave my standard reply about how I work at an Arts & Crafts store (Fuck, have I been working at M***ael's so long that I actually capitalize 'arts & crafts' in casual conversation? I've just become every customer I hate. If I ever complain about 'mean' cashiers not letting me use a coupon that expired before the Clinton administration, you all have permission to send me a letter bomb...).
But...she didn't leave it at that. She followed me out into the hall, merrily yammering about how she tried to make a scrapbook for her friend, and how hard it was, and how she kept changing the layout, and I was just staring at her. Across two hallways and down three flights of stairs, she kept this up. I finally just turned around and walked into a bathroom. I considered walking into the men's room, just to be sure SirTalksALot wouldn't give chase.
Any fans of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? I feel like a Steve Martin in a world filled with John Candies!
You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!
And then I was at this party. I spent the first half at a table with my guy friend (the host) and a bunch I guys I'd never met. We just talked about South Park and make pervy jokes and talked a bit about our majors. Then I got cornered by my friend's girlfriend. I swear to fucking god, it was like playing a game of twenty questions. Random, stupid 'get to know you' questions that have no inherent interest. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. !?! What do chicks get out of that crap?
Prime example: I was packing up my stuff at the end of a class, and this girl who always sits next to me noticed my notebook, which I decorated with pirate card embellishments (
) and scrapbook paper. I've received a lot of compliments from random classmates, so I didn't think anything of it--I just gave my standard reply about how I work at an Arts & Crafts store (Fuck, have I been working at M***ael's so long that I actually capitalize 'arts & crafts' in casual conversation? I've just become every customer I hate. If I ever complain about 'mean' cashiers not letting me use a coupon that expired before the Clinton administration, you all have permission to send me a letter bomb...).But...she didn't leave it at that. She followed me out into the hall, merrily yammering about how she tried to make a scrapbook for her friend, and how hard it was, and how she kept changing the layout, and I was just staring at her. Across two hallways and down three flights of stairs, she kept this up. I finally just turned around and walked into a bathroom. I considered walking into the men's room, just to be sure SirTalksALot wouldn't give chase.
Any fans of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles? I feel like a Steve Martin in a world filled with John Candies!
You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They're not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! "Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecdotes for you. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it." I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say, "How can you stand it?" I'd say, "'Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING." You know what they'd say? They'd say, "I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah." It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!
And then I was at this party. I spent the first half at a table with my guy friend (the host) and a bunch I guys I'd never met. We just talked about South Park and make pervy jokes and talked a bit about our majors. Then I got cornered by my friend's girlfriend. I swear to fucking god, it was like playing a game of twenty questions. Random, stupid 'get to know you' questions that have no inherent interest. Whiskey. Tango. Foxtrot. !?! What do chicks get out of that crap?
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
BTW- lesson i have learned. Most people don't like deep talk. Makes them uncomfortable- so shallow talk prevails-- but once in awhile you run across the exception- it is like fishing i guess- you can wait all day and not catch a thing..