well i got a place, i've been here for about a month though, and its short term so i'm looking for something else sort of. i'm not too worried about it. which is nice.
i am very not into myself lately though. its hard. i've never really not liked myself. i'm really happy with my life and all the things i'm doing but its just me that i really dislike. i dont like my body and i dont like my appearance and i dont like the way i interact with people.
its really bothering me. i assume my interactions are mainly to blame because i'm unhappy with a lot of the people in my life. a lot of people mistake my kindness for weakness and i'm at a place in my life right now where that actually is weakness and not simply kindness. at work i feel really out of place and like i'm walking on eggshells all the time. i dont speak my mind or try and correct people anymore because i dont appreciate the hostility that comes back towards me. its frustrating when something you used to love just fades away. i dont want to quit, i really love my company. i just need to figure out what the root of this is.
my personal life is a mess. i'm paranoid about all my friends and i cant make good decisions for myself. i always feel left out and i tend to just stick to the routine of going to work/internship/school and then coming home smoking weed, drinking, and watching youtube videos until i pass out. my friends don't answer their phones and i dont know how to make new ones. eh, i kind of suck at this i guess.
my internship is going really well. i'm still really reserved with the staff but i think its just because i'm unsure of myself and am not ready to let any of them see me as anything more than an intern. i shared myself with one of them and she really appreciated me. i am really glad to have found a friend, but again, i'm still feeling so reserved about it.
i'm going home to the desert tomorrow night. i'm catching a late ass flight and arriving in palm springs at midnight. i'm so ready for the desert air and the stars. i miss my dog dearly and i think i need a little rejuvenating time to myself.
i've been trying to do more yoga but i need to quit judging myself while i'm doing it. my body is mine no matter how foreign it seems to me. i cant wait to feel more connected to it. all i feel is pain.
anyways, some pictures to lighten up the mood and show you what i've been up to~!
i am very not into myself lately though. its hard. i've never really not liked myself. i'm really happy with my life and all the things i'm doing but its just me that i really dislike. i dont like my body and i dont like my appearance and i dont like the way i interact with people.
its really bothering me. i assume my interactions are mainly to blame because i'm unhappy with a lot of the people in my life. a lot of people mistake my kindness for weakness and i'm at a place in my life right now where that actually is weakness and not simply kindness. at work i feel really out of place and like i'm walking on eggshells all the time. i dont speak my mind or try and correct people anymore because i dont appreciate the hostility that comes back towards me. its frustrating when something you used to love just fades away. i dont want to quit, i really love my company. i just need to figure out what the root of this is.
my personal life is a mess. i'm paranoid about all my friends and i cant make good decisions for myself. i always feel left out and i tend to just stick to the routine of going to work/internship/school and then coming home smoking weed, drinking, and watching youtube videos until i pass out. my friends don't answer their phones and i dont know how to make new ones. eh, i kind of suck at this i guess.
my internship is going really well. i'm still really reserved with the staff but i think its just because i'm unsure of myself and am not ready to let any of them see me as anything more than an intern. i shared myself with one of them and she really appreciated me. i am really glad to have found a friend, but again, i'm still feeling so reserved about it.
i'm going home to the desert tomorrow night. i'm catching a late ass flight and arriving in palm springs at midnight. i'm so ready for the desert air and the stars. i miss my dog dearly and i think i need a little rejuvenating time to myself.
i've been trying to do more yoga but i need to quit judging myself while i'm doing it. my body is mine no matter how foreign it seems to me. i cant wait to feel more connected to it. all i feel is pain.
anyways, some pictures to lighten up the mood and show you what i've been up to~!
raveneffect32:
i have the same exact problem with trying to make friends. my thing is i just feel like i cant trust people after getting to know them. hope everything works out for you 