SUCCESS! i am now in possession of a new imac! gratos from my moms workplace. thank you!
christmas gift making is now in full swing. i have to make 4 scarves, a quilt, and try and finish that damn baby link costume. that thing is freaking impossible.
on a side note, i was supposed to make a friend a biggie related cross stitch, and well we had a huge falling out. im definitely in no way stoked. and in fact im pretty bummed. but i just couldnt handle it. im pretty sad. i know i already said that but i cant put enough emphasis on it. i just felt like she was always criticizing me or my way of trying to be supportive, or whatever. i told her something she did hurt my feelings and then felt it necessary to clear the air and basically tell me im not allowed to tell my friend of 8 years something she did to us both. i find her very immature for it. and i wouldnt resent her even if she had done something similar to me. but shes the type to like to keep things private apparently. which includes not really telling even me what the fuck is going on... but i dont know. i know she was going through hard times, and i tried so hard i felt to be there, be nice, be supportive, help, listen, talk, distract. but she just kept pushing me. i dont like being pushed. i dont think anyone does. and i dont think she would like what she did. i wasnt perfect, and i admitted mistakes, apologized, and tried to change the way i did things to make her happy. it apparently was enough. everything i did i did wrong, everything i said was judgement, or psychoanalysis, or unfair, or thoughtless. she even tried to make a scene in a grocery store, and when i said forget it, i was accused of being passive aggressive. i dont know. i was tired of being called out for things. she was the only person i had these types of issues with. t cap it all, i told my boyfriend i snapped when she "needed to clear the air" and he basically said she probably deserved it. i still feel wretched. i dont like being cruel or harsh... i dont like losing people either. i want so badly to reconcile but i feel as though that given how many times weve lashed out recently, its hopeless. i think we do love each other, but i dont think it can work. i dont know. no matter how imperfect or flawed you are, i feel like a real friend wouldnt put you down for mistakes. i was never unintentionally cruel and i told her that. that everytime i tried, i was trying to help... but shes insanely sensitive. i dont know. i want to blame myself, but im good at feeling guilty.
christmas gift making is now in full swing. i have to make 4 scarves, a quilt, and try and finish that damn baby link costume. that thing is freaking impossible.
on a side note, i was supposed to make a friend a biggie related cross stitch, and well we had a huge falling out. im definitely in no way stoked. and in fact im pretty bummed. but i just couldnt handle it. im pretty sad. i know i already said that but i cant put enough emphasis on it. i just felt like she was always criticizing me or my way of trying to be supportive, or whatever. i told her something she did hurt my feelings and then felt it necessary to clear the air and basically tell me im not allowed to tell my friend of 8 years something she did to us both. i find her very immature for it. and i wouldnt resent her even if she had done something similar to me. but shes the type to like to keep things private apparently. which includes not really telling even me what the fuck is going on... but i dont know. i know she was going through hard times, and i tried so hard i felt to be there, be nice, be supportive, help, listen, talk, distract. but she just kept pushing me. i dont like being pushed. i dont think anyone does. and i dont think she would like what she did. i wasnt perfect, and i admitted mistakes, apologized, and tried to change the way i did things to make her happy. it apparently was enough. everything i did i did wrong, everything i said was judgement, or psychoanalysis, or unfair, or thoughtless. she even tried to make a scene in a grocery store, and when i said forget it, i was accused of being passive aggressive. i dont know. i was tired of being called out for things. she was the only person i had these types of issues with. t cap it all, i told my boyfriend i snapped when she "needed to clear the air" and he basically said she probably deserved it. i still feel wretched. i dont like being cruel or harsh... i dont like losing people either. i want so badly to reconcile but i feel as though that given how many times weve lashed out recently, its hopeless. i think we do love each other, but i dont think it can work. i dont know. no matter how imperfect or flawed you are, i feel like a real friend wouldnt put you down for mistakes. i was never unintentionally cruel and i told her that. that everytime i tried, i was trying to help... but shes insanely sensitive. i dont know. i want to blame myself, but im good at feeling guilty.