3 weeks of 40 hours a week.
it's not hard, most people do it everyday. and i'm working my ass off just to get my ass to california and i keep spending money because people need to eat daily and i can no longer rely on the support of my mother because she is simply undependable.
i can't cope with stress and i am so close to going on prozak or something because the struggle with the possible manic depressive state is eating at my insides and i can't stop getting angry and breaking everything and screaming and i dont think it has anything to do with PMS you smart asses if my period is 3 weeks away.
it's all causing a deteriorating affect on my relationship and i love him so much...but i got so mad i wished it was easier for me to throw him away because that's always been my solution. but i wish it made sense knowing that things get better in life but the more i think about it the less it makes sense. nothing really matters, we just think it does...
i asked him to buy me something three times this week and he still hasn't...
i have always been destructive and i have always been a little twisted. the idea of darker things are sexualized to me and the concept of hurting others feels good. i would never do it though and i would be happy crushing people. but i hate people who do that and so im a big hypocrite....
i thought i was a nice person?
i f i could draw the inside of my head right now it would probably be hallow and there would be a little girl in the middle of it all, messy, beaten and torn up. shed have a teddy bear and it would be busted up too...the floor would be muddy.
almost johen vasquez-esque....i suppose.
everything i find a perfect line to describe my current state it feels all too cheesy and like straight out of a movie.
i hate stuff.
.
it's not hard, most people do it everyday. and i'm working my ass off just to get my ass to california and i keep spending money because people need to eat daily and i can no longer rely on the support of my mother because she is simply undependable.
i can't cope with stress and i am so close to going on prozak or something because the struggle with the possible manic depressive state is eating at my insides and i can't stop getting angry and breaking everything and screaming and i dont think it has anything to do with PMS you smart asses if my period is 3 weeks away.
it's all causing a deteriorating affect on my relationship and i love him so much...but i got so mad i wished it was easier for me to throw him away because that's always been my solution. but i wish it made sense knowing that things get better in life but the more i think about it the less it makes sense. nothing really matters, we just think it does...
i asked him to buy me something three times this week and he still hasn't...
i have always been destructive and i have always been a little twisted. the idea of darker things are sexualized to me and the concept of hurting others feels good. i would never do it though and i would be happy crushing people. but i hate people who do that and so im a big hypocrite....
i thought i was a nice person?
i f i could draw the inside of my head right now it would probably be hallow and there would be a little girl in the middle of it all, messy, beaten and torn up. shed have a teddy bear and it would be busted up too...the floor would be muddy.
almost johen vasquez-esque....i suppose.
everything i find a perfect line to describe my current state it feels all too cheesy and like straight out of a movie.
i hate stuff.
.
Getting rid of something isn't always the solution...add an extra 20hrs to your week, nothing like long hours to get you back in fighting shape.