xmt

alright...so here's how i am with it.

i'm missing something and i have to go get it 'cause it's not going to meet me halfway.

and... "real" jobs and "real" relationships at this time in my life are a diversion and need to be overcome.
they hold nothing for me but a false sense of security, mediocrity, contempt and a possible future suicide.

in order for me to work a real job or relatinship i need to be desensitized and let parts of myself fall off. like dreams or aspiration. i can't have that.

so. i realized i have alot of leave available from work. i think i am going to take a couple weeks off work to finish my two main projects.
1. finish my portfolio and design cabinet
2. finish illustrating artchicks book.
my "real" job is robbing me of the good hours of my week. i need uninterrupted days to work.
i can't multitask. i'm a one track mind that skips.

then. go back to work and possibly pick up my second job.
get paid. develop new contacts. sell cars. keep bmw.
buy van.
take the rest of my leave and possibly a leave of absence. put things in storage. goto cali. visit friends and family. interview with prospects.

come back and work. conditions at this time are dependant on too many variables to predict.

...but, goto england to visit adi. goto france and see julie.
then i need to evaluate my sitution at that time.

if the tragectory of my life is good...
get paid and go find that french girl i always wanted. (not julie. someone else).

if not...
keep at it and get rich or die tryin'.