Nominated by @victoriaboness back in January, but I only recently had my account reactivated so I'm giving it a shot before I go (again).

1. Name

Nowadays most of my friends know me as Xander due to Roller Derby and my gamertags/online persona, but older friends and family call me by my first name (Josh) though I enjoy like going by a variation of my middle name (Alexander) because it feels more appropriate based on my current personality.

2. Sign

I am an Aries and, yes, at times I can be stubborn, but to the more reasonable and usually more intellectual folks they rarely get to see that side because I am very easy going with friends and even people I don't like very much.

3. Favourite TV show

I don't have a favorite, specifically. I enjoy a handful a lot (Stranger Things, Supernatural, Game of Thrones, etc), but I am very open and in most cases I rarely get to watch any shows a second time through because my watch list is long enough to last me many months beyond what is currently available on DVD/VOD.

4. Favourite drink

You might think it was water because I drink about 120 ounces per day, but I enjoy a good coffee and love a well brewed cup of tea. As you can tell I skip out on alcohol for personal/health reasons, but caffeine is a useful drug for my mental and physical health so I consume a little every day.

5. Favourite alcoholic drink

No alcohol. I like to bake with alcohol, but I never had any interest minus a few depressing days where I broke Edge and hated myself. It's not me and never will be. Most of it tastes horrible and smells even worse, plus I have enough difficulty with a mild form of self-diagnosed ADHD and anxiety so I need to remain in control otherwise I will get confused and/or try to hurt myself.

6. Favourite season

I like the freshness of Spring, enjoy a hot cup of cocoa and building snowmen with people I care about in the winter, I'm working on that beach bod still otherwise enjoy the cute ladies on the beach during Summer, but Autumn has the most beautiful colors of all and that season allows me to still maintain my lack of pants while also sporting my large collection of hoodies.

7. Favourite band

I don't really have one because my "favorite" rotates with my mood, but if we went along the lines of bands that mean a lot and have long running or hard hitting inspiration that influenced my current lifestyle/habits then we would include Minor Threat, A Day to Remember, Atmosphere, Eyedea and Abilities... damn, this list might actually be pretty long.

8. Favourite store

It used to be a comic shop, but I spent too much on comics and now I'm trying to sell a lot more than I buy to clear head space and find a lifestyle more suitable to my headspace than nerdy hoarder with no friends.

9. Favourite kind of book

I enjoy everything from fiction to non-fiction. I like a good sci fi novel, enjoy a spiritual journey through Buddhism, I do enjoy advanced sciences despite my knowledge being a little behind and my mind being a little slow to pick up things... the list goes on really, but I do also enjoy poetry and am currently trying to read through some romance novels to better understand my own antique way of thinking about love and life.

10. What is a cause you are really passionate about?

I don't have any specific cause and am likely easily outed as a poser when it comes to claiming I like to do what I can to protect the environment or help out people in need, but I try little things every day to make even the smallest difference. Although I'm also fairly shy, I do like being there for friends and strangers alike to offer smiles, laughter, or support when they are facing harsh times. Mental health is something I struggle with daily and I don't want to see anyone go through the things that float around in my mind.

11. What did you study or learn?

I have a bachelor's in studio art with a concentration in graphic design, but I'm not really that great at art. I can't create what I see in my head. I'd love to get into photography or something else artistic... I wish I majored in English even if I'd have a useless job at least I could write some shitty memoir that might get published after I died. 😂

12. What is that one song that is stuck in your head?

After talking about favorite bands I have A Day to Remember on constant repeat so I'm singing along to "All I Want" while typing this questionnaire.

13. Where would you like to live?

I would love to move to England or Australia, maybe even Brasil or Chile. I love those British and Aussie accents while I love South American culture/food/language/women. Frankly, I would be happy meeting a really cute partner that was willing to buy into a small base of operations to store stuff like books, video games, toys, etc and invest in an RV or trailer so we could go on month long expeditions to explore the world and find inspiration while learning more about one another. I would probably suck at living on the road early on because I've spent too long cooped up and miserable, but I think that freedom would really help my writing and make me a better person, or at least feel like a better person.

14. Who influenced you most?

Sage Francis, Eyedea (Michael Larsen), and Slug (Sean from Atmosphere) are huge influences when it comes to creative writing/ryhmes. Ian Mackaye (Minor Threat) helped influence my Straight Edge lifestyle more than 20 years ago. There are a handful of writers that influenced my thoughts through the years. Brad Warner instilled a little Buddhism into my life and I would really like to seek a further understanding and commitment to Buddhism because it fits well into my current belief system.

15. Who is your favourite celebrity couple?

John Legend and Chrissy Teigen seem like an amazing couple, but I don't know much about celebrities nor do I care to invest my time reading too much into the lives of others and be jealous when I could be trying to make the best of my own life and relationships. It is a shame that so many people fall in love during the heat of a moment or let the stupidest little things break them apart. I know life is all about the little things, the air we breathe, the quiet moments when we learn something for the first time, and so many things that eventually build into what we tend to celebrate, but I think people break down so much of their endgame that they forget how nice or important it is to do the little things like say "I love you" or washing dishes or... just co-cohabiting with someone that does or could mean so much more. Why do we get so caught up in the bright lights and forget that someone has to plug in the power chord or change the lights? I don't want to be this standalone personality that people have to accept when I could be someone that shares in the faults and success of those around me, become part of this world from the earth to the people living on it and not worry about someone who overgrills my steak. I could post twelve blogs about this right now.

16. What is your most used emoji?

🥰😍💕💖🍕🌈🤘🤷♂️🖤🦄 (a collection of most used in texts and blogs)

Feel free to text me and we can have fun emoji battles. Or not.

17. What helps you relax?

Roller Derby. Love. I can't really relax playing video games, reading, working out or doing almost anything anymore due to excessive anxiety and an increase in depression since the pandemic. The loss of roller derby during this year hit really hard so the last time I was able to relax was probably in February. It's not easy to let go of hurtful thoughts when everything is a distraction that pulls a blanket over the problem rather than dissolving the problem into smaller bits to easily digest. I really just need a friend or partner than can help me get through this. Therapy is not relaxing at all when it's someone asking questions and telling me things I know from an outsiders view versus a friend that can offer hugs, support, pizza, and things that offer a calming effect. I can therapize myself all day with blogs and writing in journals to let off some steam, but talking to overpaid strangers depresses me more when I can barely afford every day essentials to get through the week. I appreciate and love therapists, my aunt is a psychologist, but it's not something that works with me and never has. I tried it for years in college and after an extended break tried it again for a couple years but never felt satisfaction for longer than thirty minutes after I left.

18. What topic do you think shouldn't be taboo?

Everything is permitted. Assassin's Creed, right? Right or wrong I think everything should be open and, if it's wrong, should be discussed to prevent it from happening and, if it's right, could be agreed upon to make it a less scary topic. Be open but be smart about it. Simple.

19. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

Surviving myself. It sounds crazy, but I've had some severe bouts of anxiety and depression over the course of 25 years and making it through to see another day seems to be the thing people around me are happy about so I choose that as an accomplishment even if some days I sadly regret it. I have yet to accomplish something greater, a deeper love... or maybe I've accomplished some amazing things and just don't give myself credit. I don't know. This is a hard thing to do/feel.

20. What do you want to achieve in your life?

I want to make people happy. Like a comedian or magician, like a therapist or best friend I want to make people smile one by one and see that they make it through another day to influence others and lift them up as well. If true love could be considered an achievement I would add that, but love isn't something that is achieved or accomplished really, it's something that already exists and we all choose what we want to do with it. It's a lot like considering breathing an achievement. Love is like breathing and we take it for granted, sometimes we breathe in when we need to breathe out or hold our breath when we should find balance within our breathing technique. Unfortunately, it's as simple and complex as it sounds. I once heard a Buddhist monk talk about how important breathing is in martial arts, meditation, and so many aspects of everything they do, yet it's also one of the hardest things to master despite everyone having the capability to do it. It requires a certain amount of focus while also a balance of letting go and becoming that moment, that constant, that... it's not very easy to describe in words, honestly.

Well, that was deep. Again.

Hope you enjoyed learning a little more about me?!

Love always,

Xander

No nominations, so feel free to take it if you have not already.