Friday: Took a walk around Rochester and Strood, bought some incense and some stuff at Morrisons then went back home. Watched I Spit On Your Grave then dicked around on the internet for a while. Filled out this thing on MySpace, and I hate it when people put this shit in their blogs but it just felt a bit eerie the way I could relate to so much of it
-=-Outcast-=-
[x] You dont have very many friends.
[ ] Often times, teachers forget your name.
[ ] you were always picked last for kickball.
[x] You dont like to talk a lot.
[x] You tend to avoid mass social activities (i.e.- dances, ice cream socials, football games, etc.)
[x] You dont participate in any extracurricular activities.
[x] All you wish for is to move away or get a fresh start.
[x] Your friends have blown you off before.
[x] You sit alone in most of your classes.
[x] You have a feeling that once you leave high school or college, nobody is going to remember you.
[x] You hold interest in activities that other people find strange.
[x] People dont find you friendly.
[x] You hold extreme hate towards another high school stereotype (i.e- jocks, preps, etc.)
[x] You eat alone at lunch.
Total = 12
So that made me fucking depressed. Went to the Tap, read that shitty, free Indie magazine they have lying around then went up to the Manor to meet Chris. Manor wasnt as shit as last week but I just felt miserable for the fact that I was there again, went back to Tap at eleven. Hardly anyone I knew was at Tap apart from that annoying fat girl Steve knows (she could hardly stand, but she had the nerve to insist that I was drunk) and Liam who told me that him and Steve were taking next week to drive around up North and I should phone Steve and ask if I could tag along (tempting but I still have to sort out this course Im going to in Aylesford, plus Ive got the dentist on Monday). Walked around, talked to a couple of guys who asked about my tattoos, including one guy who works with my tattooist, Ray, laughed at drunk Indie kids dancing, got bored about half twelve got some chips then headed up to the taxi bay. Saw a well gay looking bloke get so shocked when he kicked over a can of beer and then worry whether or not he got any on his trousers (I know I should make fun of gay people but it was kinda funny) got in a cab and saw a curb crawler get questioned by the police along new road.
Saturday: Tried to get either Mills or Chris to come to the Tap with me but Mills got offered to go on a pub crawl and Chris just didnt want to go out. I sent a text to Mills asking if he was at a pub I could get to (thinking back to when we all went on pub crawls from Strood to Chatham on someones birthday back in the day) but it turns out he was going on a pub crawl through London. So I decided to walk all the way to Chatham, bought a newspaper, went in the Tap and read it, had a couple of pints of coke, decided to leave as a few people were starting to fill up the tables and there wasnt anywhere I could have a quite think to myself so I left and walked most of the way back to Strood, got a bus from the civic centre to Darnley Road and took the long, less Chav populated route home. On the way I had time to think about stuff, I first got into Rock music because I didnt want to be like the kids at school who were beating me up, I just came to a point where I realised they were never going to be my friends and I liked the music I listened to better anyway. I didnt really make any friends til I went to college, most of the Rock people I met in the first few years were people like me who werent liked at school and turned to Rock as an alternative. When I started going to places like the Manor and the Tap it was full of similar misfits, there wasnt really a social structure and people were a lot more friendlier. One thing I realised about how this changed was because of Rock gaining more popularity as a genre in the last few years is that more kids got into it at school and formed social structures there in which they bought with them when they were old enough to get into the Tap, like the Dead Kennedys put it, its become a close minded, self centered social club the cool kids at their schools are now the cool kids in their scene (thinking about it, I thought calling them Scene kids was initially stupid because the word scene means somewhere you come from (i.e.: my home town scene), but it makes more sense now), the only thing that matters to them is their secondary school popularity bullshit and they dont care for anyone else. There was a time back in school when I did hope that the cool kids bullying me would be my friends before I just gave up on people and today there is a part of me that wishes the cool kids who police the scene at the Tap would actually give me a chance, but I know deep in my heart theyre too shallow to give me the time of day. Ive also been thinking that perhaps Im not suited for office work and Id probably enjoy working somewhere like Virgin, HMV or even a book shop because that way Id be able to work with people my own age and Id be able to find people who share similar interests with me, because of the Scene kids and the social environment they have created that I can never be a part of, I dont just feel lonely, I feel alienated, just like I was back in school.
-=-Outcast-=-
[x] You dont have very many friends.
[ ] Often times, teachers forget your name.
[ ] you were always picked last for kickball.
[x] You dont like to talk a lot.
[x] You tend to avoid mass social activities (i.e.- dances, ice cream socials, football games, etc.)
[x] You dont participate in any extracurricular activities.
[x] All you wish for is to move away or get a fresh start.
[x] Your friends have blown you off before.
[x] You sit alone in most of your classes.
[x] You have a feeling that once you leave high school or college, nobody is going to remember you.
[x] You hold interest in activities that other people find strange.
[x] People dont find you friendly.
[x] You hold extreme hate towards another high school stereotype (i.e- jocks, preps, etc.)
[x] You eat alone at lunch.
Total = 12
So that made me fucking depressed. Went to the Tap, read that shitty, free Indie magazine they have lying around then went up to the Manor to meet Chris. Manor wasnt as shit as last week but I just felt miserable for the fact that I was there again, went back to Tap at eleven. Hardly anyone I knew was at Tap apart from that annoying fat girl Steve knows (she could hardly stand, but she had the nerve to insist that I was drunk) and Liam who told me that him and Steve were taking next week to drive around up North and I should phone Steve and ask if I could tag along (tempting but I still have to sort out this course Im going to in Aylesford, plus Ive got the dentist on Monday). Walked around, talked to a couple of guys who asked about my tattoos, including one guy who works with my tattooist, Ray, laughed at drunk Indie kids dancing, got bored about half twelve got some chips then headed up to the taxi bay. Saw a well gay looking bloke get so shocked when he kicked over a can of beer and then worry whether or not he got any on his trousers (I know I should make fun of gay people but it was kinda funny) got in a cab and saw a curb crawler get questioned by the police along new road.
Saturday: Tried to get either Mills or Chris to come to the Tap with me but Mills got offered to go on a pub crawl and Chris just didnt want to go out. I sent a text to Mills asking if he was at a pub I could get to (thinking back to when we all went on pub crawls from Strood to Chatham on someones birthday back in the day) but it turns out he was going on a pub crawl through London. So I decided to walk all the way to Chatham, bought a newspaper, went in the Tap and read it, had a couple of pints of coke, decided to leave as a few people were starting to fill up the tables and there wasnt anywhere I could have a quite think to myself so I left and walked most of the way back to Strood, got a bus from the civic centre to Darnley Road and took the long, less Chav populated route home. On the way I had time to think about stuff, I first got into Rock music because I didnt want to be like the kids at school who were beating me up, I just came to a point where I realised they were never going to be my friends and I liked the music I listened to better anyway. I didnt really make any friends til I went to college, most of the Rock people I met in the first few years were people like me who werent liked at school and turned to Rock as an alternative. When I started going to places like the Manor and the Tap it was full of similar misfits, there wasnt really a social structure and people were a lot more friendlier. One thing I realised about how this changed was because of Rock gaining more popularity as a genre in the last few years is that more kids got into it at school and formed social structures there in which they bought with them when they were old enough to get into the Tap, like the Dead Kennedys put it, its become a close minded, self centered social club the cool kids at their schools are now the cool kids in their scene (thinking about it, I thought calling them Scene kids was initially stupid because the word scene means somewhere you come from (i.e.: my home town scene), but it makes more sense now), the only thing that matters to them is their secondary school popularity bullshit and they dont care for anyone else. There was a time back in school when I did hope that the cool kids bullying me would be my friends before I just gave up on people and today there is a part of me that wishes the cool kids who police the scene at the Tap would actually give me a chance, but I know deep in my heart theyre too shallow to give me the time of day. Ive also been thinking that perhaps Im not suited for office work and Id probably enjoy working somewhere like Virgin, HMV or even a book shop because that way Id be able to work with people my own age and Id be able to find people who share similar interests with me, because of the Scene kids and the social environment they have created that I can never be a part of, I dont just feel lonely, I feel alienated, just like I was back in school.
jessika:
Glad u liked my soapy boobs ... 