[This is probably going to be long, so either be prepared, or go away while you still can...]
I cried when I got up this morning. I'm so tired, and waking up at 4 am and then making the 45+/- minute trek from Nashua to Fremont at 4:30am is hard, especially after not getting to sleep until 10:30ish.
I just can't take lacking sleep that much. Not when there's not chance to relax. No thank you, Sir.
Moving on...
Yesterday sucked. Too long, too stressful, too many people. Sometimes, I hate people. And I mean I
hate them. I think, that from the outside looking in, my job seems easy - all I do is answer the phone and dispatch (via CB Radio!
)...right? Gah! I wish it were that easy!
I work for 'The Provider, Inc.' For those of you who
don't know...that's a Sped Bus company - we transport 1584 kids with 'special needs' and 99% of them do not have a physical disability...
On Monday, I called the police on an eleven year old boy. He was taken off the bus, arrested and taken to the station for smashing a nine year old girls head into the window repeatedly.
There were three accidents involving Provider busses, and we had to call schools, SAU's, parents...
On Tuesday, we had a nine year old boy jump off the bus while it was letting another student off. He ran into the woods, and I had to call the police to go find him. Then...I had to call the parents and tell them that, hey, your kid just ran away while he was under our supervision and now...we have no idea where he is. Sorry.
Mind you, 99% of these kids have mental and/or emotional disablilties. A good portion of them are rediculously violent, or so emotionally unstable that the slightest varient in their schedule makes them snap. A good portion of them are criminals-in-the-making...
On top of this, we get to deal with their stupid parents (the nut never falls too far from the tree, dontchaknow) and their stupid schools and their stupid day care...And somewhere around 200 drivers.
GAH!
I'm here, usually, 12 hours a day, except a few hours during the few days during the week that I spend at the local animal shelter volunteering.
Our receptionist is useless, as all she does all day is take pictures with her new digital camera, then fuck with them in photoshop and print them out.
Eighty-five percent of the time I'm not spending here or at the shelter is usually spent doing one of the following:
*Cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
*Looking for a second job.
*Learning.
*Driving.
*Sleeping.
Minimal time is dedicated to necessary evils such as food and showering, so that I can re-fucking-lax a little. But...I still don't relax when I'm on my own, as my mind is always thinking about what I
need to do; what I
should be doing; what I
could be accomplishing...
Sometimes, it's more stress than my unstable, fragile little mind can handle. It's to the point where I plan every little aspect of my day out, because if I don't...I lose time. I skip makeup and hair-brushing (not that I really have enough to warrent even owning a hair brush...), and I have planned bathroom times. I eat when I remember to, and even then I sometimes just skip it because I can't be bothered by taking the time to make a meal with any sort of substance, and I figure that if I'm just going to eat crap...I might as well just not eat.
On the rare occasion that I actually get some 'free time,' I'd prefer to spend it with someone else, but it seems that things just don't mesh well (ie I have no friends) and I always end up on my own...which leads to more frustration and more feeling like crap and more boredom and more lonliness.
Gah.
Also:
I need a hug, and would greatly appreciate some cuddling right now. Alas...I gets none.
It turns out that I will not be going to the Boston Tattoo Convention, nor to the SG Big E Outing, as well as probably not to Rock&Shock. I'll be attending the Seacoast Tattoo Festival (Rock&Shock weekend...) out of necessity, and if I'm lucky, I'll get to the reptile expo. Maybe.
I'll be doing a whole lot of not seeing the Boy next month, as he has a million and one things to do and there is no time for nonsense in between.
My birthday is next month. It's going to suck.
Currently, I'm not so pleased with my life or anything contained therein.
Quick..someone shoot me.
</bitchfest>
Alas...
you sound really over worked and stressed and it sounds like you need some time off too relax and do nothing for yourself
Thanks for the comment hunny, it really cheered me up!
I won't ask why it smells funny...