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xcleroy

Kansas City. If you know the area, a pleasant little city called Roeland Park...

Member Since 2012

Followers 25 Following 20

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Sunday Jan 20, 2013

Jan 20, 2013
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Productive today? Absolutely not. Maybe I'm doomed to procrastinate my entire life away.

I do, however wonder if this is a paradoxical statement. If I procrastinated enough, wouldn't this post not exist? Not exactly productive, per se, but it is a goal of mine to recover from the drought of bloglessness. Still without it becoming a chore.

Won't do it if it feels like a chore.

So much day today! I did not take advantage of much of it. I also did not take advantage of my insomnia very well. I was so tired but couldn't sleep. So, between internet porn and attempting sleep, I blew a ton of time. Did I do anything useful like study to test out of the last college course I need to get this useless associate's degree? No. I didn't.

I don't know what is wrong with me, but I have to be in the right mind set to do anything. If I feel even a little down, I don't feel like I can do anything. I wouldn't be able to study effectively. Or anything that requires focus. I have to be in good spirits to produce good work.

If I'm even a little off, I quickly make excuses. I can't seem to force myself to do anything. Not often at least. Maybe I just need something to be excited about. Be happy. At the moment, I don't have anything to look forward to. Therein lies my problem. I need the excitement of positive anticipation.

I also need sleep. Bender. Don't ask what kind. Just know, in the past 48+ hours, I've slept maybe 3. I hope to sleep. And get right on important shit. I've got shit to do, time to do it in, and no motivation. I hate myself whenever I blow time, further demotivating me. Fuckin catch 22's...

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