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xchaosx

Hell

Member Since 2004

Followers 12 Following 12

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Wednesday Jan 12, 2005

Jan 12, 2005
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Have you ever had a thought pop into your head... a memory from a conversation past, maybe... that just nag-nag-nags the fuck out of you? But only when you're alone and not wanting to think about the negatives? I've been thinking about something said to me about a week ago and I can't get past it. Well... I can, somewhat... I can shove it aside and forget about it for a bit, but it always comes back up in the chaos of my fucked up thought process. I can't make myself bring it up in conversation. I don't want to talk about it to anyone.

I leave the company on Friday. My short and sweet notice is almost up. Good riddance to foul rubbish - I got tired of the endless compliments to my work ethic and my skills, but no job offer. They kept me temporary until I got tired of the game. So.... what have I done? Quit my job with no safety net? Fuck no. I'm not that stupid. I start a job with a local engineering firm next week... less than a week after they first received my resume'. Fuckin right, doggie. So... that part of life is going well...

But what of the rest? This shit will drive me mad. I think I'm halfway there. Just watch. So, I've a new job... Recent past, I got a new vehicle... I think I'm going to try a new, though similar, direction with my degree... What else of the past can I shed?

Perhaps part of my conscience when I do what I'm thinking next. Something just came to mind.
deadofwinter:
I havent been a member for long. I just read what you wrote and believe it or not I admire you. There is a strength there. In a way it is what I am trying to find in myself right now. I used to have it and never thought it would fade. but recently life fell to shit and just kept falling. I looked to past to find signs of strength, figuring I could say that I have been here before and made it out ok. But as I began to put the past in my journal entries, it made things worse. I realized I never really dealt with it any of it, I just tried to move on and the past just became ghosts that now have come back to haunt me.
I dont know what compelled me to write that, but for some reason I needed to...
Take Care and congrats on the new job!!!
Jan 13, 2005

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