xartificialnight

This air is contagious, no one can save us,
nothing this good could ever last,
and tonight is a drug, that I won't give up,
this is my favorite addiction
the summer comes to a close, and no one knows what we know,
no one knows
I can't explain, what made me stay, I fall into the same mistakes,
like all good things, they never last, the past is past
I'd rather be drowning, than swimming away,
that's something that will never change,
I swallow regret, and hope for the best,
if this is all that i can do
this is why I never try, to make it seem we shouldn't leave,
this is why I never try
this air is contagious, no one can save us, but I wait
I must confess, I'm not impressed, there's nothing worse than losing you,
I must confess, I'm not the same like all good things

Count The Stars - All Good Things

I've always been one to find it amusing how songs written by others can express things so much better than I ever could.

When it all comes down to it, the truth is that I've changed. I've done things I said I'd never do. Now I don't know if I can go back. I don't know if I wanna go back really.

Yes this is about me being straight edge. I tried so hard, for almost 4 years. I wasn't doing it because its cool, or it was the new thing to do. I did it because a lot of my friends drink and do drugs. Some of them are now paying for it. I did it because I didn't want to end up like them. I didn't want to die before doing all the things I wanted to in life. I didn't want to let anyone down.

In the end it falls apart. I couldn't take it anymore. I had a bad day, week, month...I was going to break down. I basically said 'Fuck it all' and as soon as my lips touched the bottle, I knew I was going back on myself.

That sweet liquid ran through me once and I'll confess I liked it. Even though I only had 2 drinks, but I liked it.

The whole time I was gone, I was thinking a lot about who I was. The more I thought about it, being straight-edge wasn't me. Yes I did it for what I consider the right reasons, but I did that when I was like 15. Back then I let people control my life and now I'm not. I'm running my own life the way I want it.

Then again maybe this is just a phase. Maybe its not. This is what I want for now. Hell I could wake up tomorrow with a completely different outlook on this situation.

I guess I'm still trying to figure things out. I'm in need of some serious SERIOUS help.