xanderphreak

So I got this girl, this woman and she well she loves me. I don't feel the same way and she knows it. I will never feel the same way. She won't give up. I don't treat her the way she wants me to. How can I? She has told me that some day she may disapear with no trace. We may have a good day or two but it always comes back to an argument. The other day I didn't come home and didn't call to let her know. I just didn't want to deal with the drama. Of course this was a bad call on my part. Yeah I wanted to avoid it all. I want the drama to go away. She says it would be fine if I tried. Well I have at least to the extent of my ability. I don't love her; why would I put so much effort into making something work that I don't want? I can't kick her out on the street. I do care about her. It seems that if I show that I care at all then she thinks that It will work out. That I should just try. The truth is is that I do care about her. I care enough not to go through all this arguing and yelling and screaming and crying again. I don't want that to happen anymore I am sick of it. Yeah I am selfish and have ego issues and whatnot. This will never work yet she won't give up on me. She says that I am mean. I am not very nice. That seems so unlike me but I can't deny what she feels. She says she no longer trusts me. I don't know how to deal with this. I want it to end but she says I will never see her again if she leaves. she makes me feel like I am such a jackass because I don't feel the same way that she does. FUCK I do care. I don't want to be mean to her. I don't want to hurt her. I need to be alone. there I go i i i i i i i well that is what I am about I guess i