xalicex

my first boyfriend( first love n all that jazz) has been a stranger to me since i was about 15.
i treated him so badly, i was a mess...my eating disorder started back then, my self harming, my depression...so i was all over the place, and i took itout on him. i really was a dick.

i would mess with his head, and be really nasty just to make him cry.

pretty unforgivable really.

so when he went to uni he left me, and i was heartbroken, more so than i have ever been in my life (apart from losing our babies)

i didnt get over it...at all....not untill like a good few years after that.
before then i kind of stalked him, sent him letters every day, begging him to come back to me....what a nut job he must of thought i was!

anyway....i have always regretted how i treated him, and i defo got payback, because the relationship i had after him, was a disaster, and i totally got treated the way i treated chris....if not worse.

i have tried through the years, to get in touch with him, i wanted to personally apologise for how i treated him.

every attempt failed, his best friend who was friends with me too, wouldnt give me his number (understandably) or pass on a messege, because as he put it " chris just wouldnt want to know"

i knew that there was a chance i would go to my grave without ever being able to apologise for the one thing in my life i regret the most.


well......on face book....someone tagged me in a photo, and in the photo standing next to me is chris, he is also tagged. meaning he has a profile on there.

so i took the plunge and sent a friend request, im now 26 and i havent spoken to him since i was 15, so i thought what the hell....he probably wont accept and that will be that.

he did accept.

and we have had a chat on there, and things are sorted, i apologised he accepted, he apologised( why i dont know)
we talked about out children, he now has a son called arlo, but before arlo he had a son called dexter who died at 1 month old......so heartbreaking.

i feel at peace now

this is something i have felt bad for all my life since it happened. he was always such a nice guy and didnt deserve what i dished out. and now things are ok, and its nice to know hes ok and settled and married with a child.

im so happy for him, and im so proud of brian for not being jealous, and totally understanding my need to get in touch with him. not many guys would allow that, or be ok with it.

as for me....i feel ill as fuck my head, my throat, my bones