well after asking yesterday how everyone else was, most people wanted to know how i am.. so the easiest to answer that is just to say...
isnt it funny how things can go from so great to just shitty in a matter of days?
i'm really starting to think i'm just not meant to interact with people at all. i need to go back to being a complete asshole and just hiding in my room all day. i mean dont get me wrong, that sucked, but at least i wasnt hurt and confused like i am now.
my mind is just racing over two main issues right now....
1) the girl. i dont know whats gonna happen there. probably nothing. the date was great, but.... she is married, but separated, working on filing for divorce, but they have been done for a while, so its not like she's going back to him. however, until its all final she just wants to be friends. then MAYBE something more. well that really sucks, i know that i want to be more than friends already, so i just have to pretend for god knows how long that i just want to be friends? thats really hard. espcecially when i feel like i'm getting mixed signals from her, i could just be reading too much into things, but i dont know. i really have no idea what to do here.
and 2) my health. i debated whether or not to talk abou this here, but fuck it, i just dont care anymore. i had sex for the first and only time back in december. it was incredible. but about two months after i noticed a blistery kinda rash thing on my dick. i went to the doctor, they said it was nothing. i also told them about my perpetual lump in the throat, also said it was nothing, without so much as looking down my throat or anything. but they send me for blood tests, HIV, and pretty much everything else. all came back negavite. a few months later, things still arent better, so i go back, this time i get a different doctor and they check me out a little better and i feel better, they give me some cream for the rash (which helps) and send me for more blood tests, this time on my thyroid for my throat. comes back fine. i go for a follow up 6 weeks later, this was yesterday, finally my rash thing has a name... Lichen Planus, which i looked up and they dont really know how you get it, but its not contagious or dangerous, and you cant catch it from someone else. but in reading about it i found out that i also have another symptom of it, and thats a little spot on my cheek that i had noticed but didnt think much of, so i'm trying to get a hold of my doctor to find out if i should come back to have that looked at. also, to see if the problems with my throat could be related at all. and i also found out that this Lichen Planus can be associated with Hepatitis C, which i dont know if they checked me for in the first round of tests. i also had to send a very embarrassing email to the girl i was with asking about her health, and not surprisingly it was not recieved well, and i really feel terrible about it.
now, chances are all i have is this Lichen Planus and nothing else, and it should go away eventually, but it could lead to cancer i guess. and i'm probably just worrying too much about it, which i read can also make it worse. gee imagine that, me worrying too much about something and making myself sick over it, who wouldve thought?
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FAVORITE LIMBO GIRLS (best viewed with Mozilla Firefox)
______Kaos___________LizaRose__________Rhys ___________Aruzia____________Lovely_____
_____Fraiya_____________Riley __________Devachka___________Pariah___________Gracy______
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FAVORITE ARCHIVE GIRLS (best viewed with Mozilla Firefox)
______Astrid__________Ginger______________Leia ____________Lilith______________Gia_______
**CLICK HERE to visit the archive, for some reason the link in the title above isnt working.
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isnt it funny how things can go from so great to just shitty in a matter of days?
i'm really starting to think i'm just not meant to interact with people at all. i need to go back to being a complete asshole and just hiding in my room all day. i mean dont get me wrong, that sucked, but at least i wasnt hurt and confused like i am now.
my mind is just racing over two main issues right now....
1) the girl. i dont know whats gonna happen there. probably nothing. the date was great, but.... she is married, but separated, working on filing for divorce, but they have been done for a while, so its not like she's going back to him. however, until its all final she just wants to be friends. then MAYBE something more. well that really sucks, i know that i want to be more than friends already, so i just have to pretend for god knows how long that i just want to be friends? thats really hard. espcecially when i feel like i'm getting mixed signals from her, i could just be reading too much into things, but i dont know. i really have no idea what to do here.
and 2) my health. i debated whether or not to talk abou this here, but fuck it, i just dont care anymore. i had sex for the first and only time back in december. it was incredible. but about two months after i noticed a blistery kinda rash thing on my dick. i went to the doctor, they said it was nothing. i also told them about my perpetual lump in the throat, also said it was nothing, without so much as looking down my throat or anything. but they send me for blood tests, HIV, and pretty much everything else. all came back negavite. a few months later, things still arent better, so i go back, this time i get a different doctor and they check me out a little better and i feel better, they give me some cream for the rash (which helps) and send me for more blood tests, this time on my thyroid for my throat. comes back fine. i go for a follow up 6 weeks later, this was yesterday, finally my rash thing has a name... Lichen Planus, which i looked up and they dont really know how you get it, but its not contagious or dangerous, and you cant catch it from someone else. but in reading about it i found out that i also have another symptom of it, and thats a little spot on my cheek that i had noticed but didnt think much of, so i'm trying to get a hold of my doctor to find out if i should come back to have that looked at. also, to see if the problems with my throat could be related at all. and i also found out that this Lichen Planus can be associated with Hepatitis C, which i dont know if they checked me for in the first round of tests. i also had to send a very embarrassing email to the girl i was with asking about her health, and not surprisingly it was not recieved well, and i really feel terrible about it.
now, chances are all i have is this Lichen Planus and nothing else, and it should go away eventually, but it could lead to cancer i guess. and i'm probably just worrying too much about it, which i read can also make it worse. gee imagine that, me worrying too much about something and making myself sick over it, who wouldve thought?
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FAVORITE LIMBO GIRLS (best viewed with Mozilla Firefox)
______Kaos___________LizaRose__________Rhys ___________Aruzia____________Lovely_____
_____Fraiya_____________Riley __________Devachka___________Pariah___________Gracy______
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
FAVORITE ARCHIVE GIRLS (best viewed with Mozilla Firefox)
______Astrid__________Ginger______________Leia ____________Lilith______________Gia_______
**CLICK HERE to visit the archive, for some reason the link in the title above isnt working.
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VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
And even if it's not, you won't have worried about it TOO much, cuz - you took it one day at a time