So, in my last blog I said to stay tuned as I felt there was basically a storm on the horizon. Some things have been going on in my life that I haven't been happy with. To say the least.
Back in March my wife got a new job. We worked at the same place for about 5 years, we didn't meet there or anything, we were already married before either one of us started working at this place. And it's a fairly big company and we worked in different areas, most of the time. So we didn't really see each other and it wasn't a big deal. People would always ask if it was weird or how we did it, it was never an issue.
The fact that she got a new job is not what bothers me. She was tired of what she was doing, she didn't like her boss, there was no room to advance, I completely understand why she needed something different. I feel the same and am also "looking" for something else. I say "looking" because I'm really not. I want to leave but that's really a whole other topic for another time.
The issue I have is with the new "friends" she's made at her new job. She is pretty much the only female in her area and works with, let's say, a bunch of "dirty old men". Long story short I believe she is cheating on me with at least one of them. There has been a lot of secretive texting and just all around suspicious behavior. She isn't as secretive with her phone when she is drinking, so on several occasions I've been able to read over her shoulder for some of these exchanges. Not something I'm proud of, but I had legitimate concerns. And I what I read I didn't like and really made me believe that there was a problem. At the very least there is some extremely inappropriate sexting going on. If that is the extent of it, well ok, I still have a major problem with it, but if it ends now I can forgive and forget.
But based on what I've seen I can't believe that that's all there is. I know she's been lying to me about things, most recently saying that she had to stay late at work, but was really out at the strip club with at least a couple guys she works with. One of them being the guy she texts most often and gets the most graphic with. I have no problem with her at a strip club, if I'm there with her. We've been on several occasions and have a great time. But it's a very sexual thing that I don't want her doing with other guys and she knows that. So when I got a text that she was going to be even later than expected, I just had this bad feeling and was actually driving home right past the club in question. I circled the parking lot and sure enough there was her car.
I finally got up the nerve to talk to her about all this yesterday morning. We had talked once before that I didn't like how she had changed since getting her new job and having all these new friends. She assured me then that there was nothing going on with anyone else, but I didn't bring up the texts, which I did know about at the time. The talk went better than expected yesterday morning, I was braced for a huge fight and the fact that it could possibly be then end for us. We've been married six years and have two kids, so it could have been really ugly. She still says that nothing is going on and the texts are the extent of what she is doing. I told her they had to stop. Now she also mentioned that there are things I do that she isn't happy with. None of which are the level of what she is doing or what I think she is doing. I'm not lying about where I am or sexting with anyone else. She doesn't like how things are with the house and kids and feels overwhelmed. Which I completely understand. Things really need to be different, but I also told her that she needs to tell me these things that bother her because I can't do anything about it if I don't know it's an issue. The bottom line is that we need to communicate better in all aspects.
So back to her cheating. If it's only texts and it stops now, ok. If it is more than the texts, and I could go into detail about why I believe it has to be more but I won't, if that stops then I'm still extremely pissed and it will take a long time to forgive and build up that trust again, but I could forgive it... I think. Now here's my biggest worry and what I'm afraid is going to happen. It's texts and more and it doesn't stop, because now I've tipped my hand, she knows what I know and does a better job hiding it. What I want is us back to the way we were, just her and I. The only other option is to end it, which I don't want. I can't even imagine how that would go. What happens to the house, kids, etc. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I don't want to put my kids through that. But I would take that option over living with someone who is lying to my face and going behind my back to be with someone else.
Feel free to comment if you like, I'm not looking for advice (but I will take it) I'm really just needing to vent.
Or if you're willing to cheat with me to get back at her, let me know.... totally kidding... I make jokes as defense mechanism. I'm really just back to trying to pretend that the whole situation isn't happening, which isn't healthy I know, but that's where I've been for about the last six months.
