x143x

i thought about you the other night
i thought about you a lot
Hell you kept me up half the night

Then I realized something
and i fell into a deep peaceful sleep
and haven't thought about you since

do you know what occurred to me?


your just a thought
a sense of doubt
I created you
and you don't have the faintest idea what your talking about

you've never been out in the real world
you've never experienced real life

If I asked you about love
you would rip me off poems and words
sonnets and movie quotes
and a million and one song lyrics

but you would never be able to tell me what it feels like
to stand next to someone and look at them
and feel truly and completely happy
and know they are the very reason that you felt so incredible

you have never looked at a person
and felt totally and completely vulnerable
you have never knew someone who could totally sweep you off your feet
with just one look
Knowing you have given them so much of your heart
that they could break you in an instant
yet also knowing they never would

you will never know how it is to feel like God put an angel on this earth just for you
who could reach down and pull you out from the depths of hell

and you also don't know what its like to be her angel
and to know that the love for her will be there forever
through anything
even through you, doubt and fear

You wouldn't know about sitting alone
thinking about her
wanting nothing more in the entire world
than knowledge that she is happy and smiling
and hoping that you are a tiny small part of the reason she is

no you don't know about real love
because that only occurs when you love something more
than you love yourself
and i doubt you could ever love anyone to that level

I look at you and i don't see truth and reality
i see fear and doubt
your not a fact
your a thought
a simple tiny reflection of inner turmoil
you exist because no one can truly understand the depths of perfection
because nothing is perfect
especially not me

and yet here you are
trying to describe my soul
and you cant

and that is why i slept so soundly
because in the end i realized
only i can create
even if i have no control of what's created

i guess what i mean is
what is .. is simply what is
nothing can wonder about it
because its beyond a choice
it just "is"
and in my heart i know
although not perfect
any maybe not even needed
its honest
and pure
there is nothing that is added
to make it prettier and more special
it lays there
without adornment
without any attempt to beautify

and in that end
knowing i cant
is peace
because the only part i can control
is weather or not to risk
and its quite obvious
i always have

no your mere doubt
and the only reason you exist
is because without you
truly letting go wouldn't mean as much
because nothing that is that special
could exist if it were that easy