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Its 2am
I write this at work
on the tiny keypad of my sidekick

and I
feeling just as tiny
cant seem to shake the fog
that surrounds my head and my heart

Riddled with the uncertainty of my future
that merely weeks ago
seemed so set for the rest of my life

Trepidation hampers my footsteps
as I walk forward

As I look inside life's reflective mirror
I can not seem to find
the image I so wanted to be

The emotions I have inside
bare no resemblance
to the person I have been
or the person I continue to be

This inner soul
who loves so undeniably perfect
never quite translates into reality

So I ask
Does loving enough,
to posses the desire to be
hold any honor and meaning?

or does never reached attempts
merely fall helplessly on the ground at my feet?

Dreams of "our" family
cuddling on "our" couch
watching "our" TV
Living "our" future

Words fall so perilously short
of what I realize I truly am

Yet beyond and in my heart
I know I love enough
to always try

Even though Perfection is unattainable
we need to believe
that there will be time
to see
to notice
to acknowledge
and to mend
the mistakes we make as we strive

Without it
our steps will quiver
our balance will shake
and our stride will be encased with armor
as we anticipate hurt and broken dreams

This is not a goodbye
This is not Anger
This is love
This is passion

As I step with those shaky legs
My heart
though heavy
knows that where ever the road leads
it will never change the path already taken

The happiness and completeness
that was felt
can never be removed from memory
and its joyous effects will linger
for the rest of my life

Weather my future
will be an "our"
or a "me"
is unknown

Still nothing will stop me from wanting that perfection
That I know in my heart
truly does exist

and nothing will stop me
from trying to get there

For as long as I'm trying
I haven't given up
Weather I ever get there or not
is moot and meaningless

Because yes
I do believe wanting and trying
means something

Weather it means enough
I can not say