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So good or bad .. please post some comments about the poetry .. do you perfer these or when I put my feelings and thoughts in a more conversational jumbles random paragraph .. id love the feedback

there's alot of things I understand
and there's alot of thins refuse to see
in the cuddle whispers of a scratchy throat
I lay broken and useless
awed at a softness I always felt

as i sit
tears become puddles of
"why not's"
staining my hope and excitement

love is never easy
especially when the underlying truth
is you even doubt that its real

and by you I mean me

I'm here
facing the honest truth of life
wondering if the perfection i see
is merely a thought in my head
coupled with a tug at my tummy

yet facing these truths I can't help but feel
that in the light of interrogation
love stands firm
and passes skeptical love detector tests

its not a lie
this much i know

for a lie has to be conscious
and my only conscious thoughts
are lily white dripping feverish emotions

if i could stop i would
if i could terminate this cavity
i would have
yet we all saw how filling it in the past ended

what wasted emotions and feelings
got thrown out with yesterdays trash
so many wasted i love you's
so many tireless nights of awe and tears
all thrown at a symbol of what my heart truly wanted
not at what is actually was

my perfection isn't a girl
its not a place
nor a time

its a feeling
fresh
tireless
eventful
wanting
dripping
desire
hope
love
transcending
forever
eternally
strong
emotionally
secure
filling
complete
vigorously
insanely
PERFECT

so once again
i sit
i want
i hope
.
.
.
.
hope?

I want to ask a favor
please
please
smack my inner child
discipline it with knowledge
of reality

i can no longer
stand at the unknown
a driftwood
following current
without a direction
without the ability to steer

what once gave me so very much comfort
brushes me with a reality
that my focus wasn't true
but motherfucker im here to tell you
the emotions always were