x143x

So umm I think I'm weird

I have 57 different versions of the song Somewhere Over the rainbow

57 different people singing it .. from Guns and Roses .. To Eva Cassidy .. Barbara Sterisand to MxPx

I think its from when I was little .. it was one of my moms fav songs and I guess it stuck with me

When Joey was a baby I would rock him to sleep and sing it to him

lol I don't know how he ever fell asleep with my cracked, stressed version

So here I am .. listening to the different versions

-----------

I havent posted lately because I have been somewhat busy .. and as well I have grown a little weary of writting in blogs

it seems I try to dig into myself .. pull out things that mean so much to me and effect my emotions and thoughts so greatly .. and I put them out there and it just seems to come and bite me in the ass in the end

I write for me mostly .. to get my feelings and emotions out ... it allows me to filter our the bullshit of non reality thought .. when I sit and type the only thing I'm thinking of is what I'm feeling .. pure and raw

So I guess is most concepts I'll always write in some form ..but Its a tad disheartening to post them and it be a negative because people read it and might take something wrong or not in the way it was meant .. as well I guess if i'm being honest I really like to know what people think .. its like you crack the inner part of you .. put it out there and you even wonder if anyone is reading it

I guess maybe its just me .. more to do with how I am than anything

eh fuck it

my latest if anyones interested

-------------

My mind races
At the mere thought of things I swore I let go
So very long ago

Speaking to you
Merely brings back the feelings
that were long left for dead
Yet perhaps
not as dead as I'd like

Trying to exercise the demons
Out of my silly childish mind
Is like erasing the memory of the biggest thing
You ever partook in
Erasing a memory so large
That it was one of the highlights
of your simple bane existence

So try as we must
to complete the fabric of life
We constantly move on
As our past holds us back by our own belt loops

Slipping and sliding as if running on ice
While our minds are tied to yesterdays bedpost

Struggling to move ground yet with every step
We slide more than we gain
And we effort more than we place

As I sit here
Numb to the tingle of love
My heart searches for answers
To questions I am either to afraid to ask
Or merely don't even know where to look to find them

I struggle everyday
Wondering when and where
And possibly just who

Often fighting to merely fight
Because my heart has thrown in the towel
So many many heartbreaks ago

I sit bleeding
Sore
And tired

Trying with all I own
To struggle through another round
As I call and meet
The next person who will break me

Checking off the list of names
Like shopping for a life
To Meet
then know
then hope
And then along came a spider
And sat down beside her
And washed my hope down the drain

I'm not asking for the existence of greatness
We'll create that ourselves
I'm merely asking for hope
That eternity isn't alone
And my search will uncover
All that remains unfound

Until then
As residents evil
And dawns dead
My heart walks lifeless
And numb to expression
Leaving nothing but these silly little words
To express all the passion it knows it can

Allow me to turn around now
So you can remove your knife
Next time please aim for the chest
Its so much easier to accept
When you can see it coming

Death isn't all that bad
As long as acceptance is understood
Today I die a little more than yesterday
And tomorrow another again

Now I lay me down to sleep
The pain is sharp its knife so deep
If I try and stay awake
I pray the lord my tears to take
A memory I can't return
Another scar today will burn
Keep me scared and keep me well
I feel this life I'm living is hell