So I'm at work right now .. I logged in to say hello to the 4 people who actually read this ... lol
OK so I wish what I was about to say was done in the line of fire .. where courage and honor superseded the instinct to crawl in a hole and cover your head .. I wish I could stand here .. chest out .. and proclaim loudly that I defied death and saved humanity in doing so .. injuring myself because I put my life on the lline with impunity
not today
no today while responding to a 10-33 (emergency needs assistance call) I jumped out of my chair .. turned to run and respond .. my adrenaline was pumping .. my mind was singularly focused . I tasted the excitement of not know what I was about to get myself in to
and as I turned to run .. I stepped on my duffel bag ... stumbled into the tiny waste paper basket and fell on my ass
a total and completely true to the sense DORK maneuver .. I jumped up .. limped to the control point .. found out it was cleared (false alarm) and here I sit .. my back as stiff as a 16 year old looking at Katerinas set .. (lol sorry babe but I had to use you) .. God would I love to tell you how heroic I was
Instead I'm here telling you what a bumbling idiot I am
but its true .. things that happen to people where you go .. OH GOD if that was in a movie I would have said how fake .. you know those moments where if you weren't there to see it you wouldn't believe it
Once this girl kicked me in the balls because she thought I was someone else who dissed her friend
Once I left my van running for 4 hours while I was inside a diner on a date
Once I was sitting on the board walk in Seaside heights and I was noticing everyone who walked by was looking at me .. I thought wow . Thats it .. I must be looking good today .. My chest stuck out .. my chin lifted .. I was leaning back CHILL style .. one leg out .. other bent back .. I was ready .. I was indestructible .. because ever girl that walked by just seemed to be staring at me .. Then my buddy walks over from getting french fries and with 5 words totally deflated my ego ... DUDE YOUR BALLS ARE HANGING OUT .. yep true story ... I was free ballin out my shorts and thats what ppl were starin at .. not me
Then there was the time I was walking in a club and tripped on air .. yes air .. stumbled into a girl .. she gets elbowed in the boob by the person in front of her and she turns around and totally slaps me in the face ... like no questions .. just SLAP ... God I was 18 .. snuck into a club on Staten Island with a fake ID her bf was like 8 foot tall and 400 pounds or at least thats my story and I'm sticking to it .. yeah i put my tail between my legs and said sorry
and the saddest .. I was 15 .. talking to my first girl on the phone . Collen Nash .. I had the hugest crush on her ever .. We were talking .. conversation was going smooth .. She wetn to Bishop Ar High school and I went to my local towns .. Were were talking about school when I asked the big question .. yeah thats right I asked her ...
ME So How long do your periods run
HER HUH umm What did you just ask me
ME Your periods .. How long do they run
HER What the hell kinda question is that?
ME I don;t know I mean I don't goto your school but ours run 45 mins long
HER OMG DO you know what I thought you just asked me
ME (totally obvious) UM No what?
HER Never mind I have to go
ME OK call me sometime
HER CLICK
Never talked to her again ... took me a while to figuer out what the fuck she meant
so people whenI tell you I'm a dork .. believe it
OK so I wish what I was about to say was done in the line of fire .. where courage and honor superseded the instinct to crawl in a hole and cover your head .. I wish I could stand here .. chest out .. and proclaim loudly that I defied death and saved humanity in doing so .. injuring myself because I put my life on the lline with impunity
not today
no today while responding to a 10-33 (emergency needs assistance call) I jumped out of my chair .. turned to run and respond .. my adrenaline was pumping .. my mind was singularly focused . I tasted the excitement of not know what I was about to get myself in to
and as I turned to run .. I stepped on my duffel bag ... stumbled into the tiny waste paper basket and fell on my ass
a total and completely true to the sense DORK maneuver .. I jumped up .. limped to the control point .. found out it was cleared (false alarm) and here I sit .. my back as stiff as a 16 year old looking at Katerinas set .. (lol sorry babe but I had to use you) .. God would I love to tell you how heroic I was
Instead I'm here telling you what a bumbling idiot I am
but its true .. things that happen to people where you go .. OH GOD if that was in a movie I would have said how fake .. you know those moments where if you weren't there to see it you wouldn't believe it
Once this girl kicked me in the balls because she thought I was someone else who dissed her friend
Once I left my van running for 4 hours while I was inside a diner on a date
Once I was sitting on the board walk in Seaside heights and I was noticing everyone who walked by was looking at me .. I thought wow . Thats it .. I must be looking good today .. My chest stuck out .. my chin lifted .. I was leaning back CHILL style .. one leg out .. other bent back .. I was ready .. I was indestructible .. because ever girl that walked by just seemed to be staring at me .. Then my buddy walks over from getting french fries and with 5 words totally deflated my ego ... DUDE YOUR BALLS ARE HANGING OUT .. yep true story ... I was free ballin out my shorts and thats what ppl were starin at .. not me
Then there was the time I was walking in a club and tripped on air .. yes air .. stumbled into a girl .. she gets elbowed in the boob by the person in front of her and she turns around and totally slaps me in the face ... like no questions .. just SLAP ... God I was 18 .. snuck into a club on Staten Island with a fake ID her bf was like 8 foot tall and 400 pounds or at least thats my story and I'm sticking to it .. yeah i put my tail between my legs and said sorry
and the saddest .. I was 15 .. talking to my first girl on the phone . Collen Nash .. I had the hugest crush on her ever .. We were talking .. conversation was going smooth .. She wetn to Bishop Ar High school and I went to my local towns .. Were were talking about school when I asked the big question .. yeah thats right I asked her ...
ME So How long do your periods run
HER HUH umm What did you just ask me
ME Your periods .. How long do they run
HER What the hell kinda question is that?
ME I don;t know I mean I don't goto your school but ours run 45 mins long
HER OMG DO you know what I thought you just asked me
ME (totally obvious) UM No what?
HER Never mind I have to go
ME OK call me sometime
HER CLICK
Never talked to her again ... took me a while to figuer out what the fuck she meant
so people whenI tell you I'm a dork .. believe it
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
thats definitly something i gotta get around to doing.
im just worried bc most of my past jobs are like....waitressing jobs =(
not very much skill involved there...