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I've always believed in my heart that some day I'd find that soul mate ... The person to complete my life .. Not complete me as a person but my life in general .. Sometimes I doubt it now ... Sometimes I'm more sure than ever ... Sometimes life's emotions seem to have me on this roller coaster .. No wait .. A bungie cord .. Its like I never quite reach the very bottom and I never quite make it to the top .. I jump and fall and as I'm about to crash .. Live pulls tight and shoots me back up .. As I reach the top its almost like I can reach it .. But just as I near I begin to slow and without warning I drop back down


perhaps I'm leaping to things I don't know .. Perhaps my apex is to high .. Do I need to lower them? .. Is the expatiations of being awed and knocked over to unrealistic .. I'm not asking to be swept off my feet everyday for the rest of my life but I want to at least experience it in the beginning .. I want to posses that yearning for someone .. That want and desire to be with them ... Yes I know the level fades as love grows but god dammit I want my awe


its hard to explain .. I place my heart out there not to hook the big fish .. I always have put myself out there .. Not only for that elusive "awe fish" but just always in general because that quite simply is who I am ... Yes I have faults .. Yes I am a self admitted pervert at times .. Yes I can have moments of shallowness .. But as a whole my expatiations of life people and events have a deeper and meaningful desire ... I look in the gallery's of some of the people on here and I see beauty .. Sexiness .. Hotness .. some times ill catch a glimpse of emotion and inner beauty .. I read journals and profiles and sometimes you notice a deeper sense to people .. Yes I love to look .. I love to see .. But that doesn't detract from the desire to know and understand the depth of people ...



yes unlike most I can be honest .. When I get a message I like to look at the person sending it ... Yes I can assume that in some way if the person is attractive it might without even realizing skew my reaction in a slight way .. I don't think its an intentional aspect of humans but I believe its there and we all have it .. We tend to give a greater effort to anyone if they are attractive .. The only difference in all of us is what we find attractive .. What moves that aspect of us .. Its different in most .... When I goto dunkin donuts to get coffee it makes me mad that they have a tip cup .. I mean they get paid to pour us coffee why do they also get a tip .. Do u tip your toll collector .. Or your doctor .. Yes if the person goes out of there way .. Perhaps its different .. But for pouring coffee .. Sorry no ... But I'm here to tell u .. At the one I goto there is one girl that is extremely attractive and I can't help but to admit that times I feel compelled to throw my change in the cup .. Wtf is that .. Mind u there is a older lady who knows me .. As I'm walking in she is already pouring my coffee as I like it .. I don't even have to ask .. And ill give her my change as well .. But idk .. I have to say its very confusing to believe your all about emotions and heart and yet notice those aspects about you

I guess in the end what matters is how you treat people .. All people .. I've always believed that you don't consider someone nice because they treat there friends well .. Everyone on a general whole treats there friends well .. Its how we treat the people we don't know, the people who have difference of opinions and yes even people we hate (because u can treat someone with respect even if we don't respect them) ... That should determine the good or niceness of someone

So where does this all tie into my opening paragraph .. It doesn't I'm rambling

Lol nah seriously .. Because I often wonder if I set my bar to high .. Do I expect things higher than myself ... Is it in some ways conceited .. I do think I'm an awesome guy .. I'm a fucking great boyfriend and I have the biggest heart going .. So I wonder that somewhere in my inner being am I thinking that I deserve and/or require more than I should .. Perhaps being swept off my feet is to grand .. Perhaps I'm not as amazing as I profess .. Perhaps my reflection of self is a tunnel vision blocking my faults

But in the end .. I guess I can't reflect on the what ifs .. My heart knows one desire .. To be overwhelmed for someone .. To feel that awe of breath ... Even for a moment within that relationship ... Perhaps it wouldn't last .. Perhaps I would .. That's not the issue .. The issue is ... Maybe I'm waiting for steak when I should settle for hamburger .. And not because the hamburger is any less tasty .. Isn't it in fact merely chopped of the same ... It just appears in a different packaged form ... It will nourish me the same .. It will give me the same aspects of being full .. Just the taste and appearance is what differs (yeah I know chopped beef is the less tasty and desirable part of beef but god people bear with me and play along)

Well if I'm going for the hamburger .. It better have lettuce mayo ketchup pickles cheese and a side o fries lol

I'm a series of faults wrapped in the heart and emotion of desired righteous intentional perfection ... Ill never achieve it but perhaps what's more important is the desire to want to be