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Do you think you can tell
Do you think you can feel

As memories and feelings
sit on cliffs edge
frozen in awe at stunning views

Trance like internal emotions
are swept into focusing
on the tones and hues
of the glorious sunset

As i sit here
in focused thought
wishing it were
so much more than pictures in my soul
and songs in my head

Feelings seep
forming hopes and dreams
forcing me to realize so much about reality

Sometimes dreams are present
not as a goal or places to be reached
but merely to allow us that moment of escape
so that we don't need to focus so hard
on our current path or situation of life

Its so hard to wish on the stars of tomorrow
because I can't seem to find stable ground
to throw my wish's from

As my focus shifts from object to form
I cant help but ask myself
am I merely allowing a troubled existence
because I can not seem to find my way

spinning and turning
my heart becomes dizzy
in the confusion of here and now

Please do not judge me with the whip of a word
I am so much more than most realize
so much more than many can understand

I am my own polygraph
I judge myself harder than anyone else can
my honesty always is with myself first
and second here
in words and emotions
I offer truth and openness
because failure to do so
would just mean you adore a facade
a me that I want you to see
and not a me that I am

You can't love half
if you don't know all of me
then your love is as hollow
as the presented hidden truth

I will never lay claim to beauty
I will never assume greatness
then again those that do
lay in that facade

Are you pretty because they love you
or do they love you because your pretty
that is a question ill never ask myself
for I never present a fixation of glamour
I merely admit to beautiful attraction
The rest lay much deeper and stronger

It forms at the pit of meaningful conversation
and deeper connections

so until you admit who you are to yourself
how can you believe anyone loves you for it

I am me
I am all I am
no one will ever confuse me with greatness

Nothing I own is priceless
yet everything I offer is

nothing I can create alone is perfection
I merely offer half of you're completion

"true love and beauty are blind, they cannot be seen with the eyes, but with the heart. We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly." *



*That last quote wasn't written by me but it remains one of my favorite quotes ever. The author is unknown at this time

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As capsulated white powder
Pumps thru my veins
I sit here
Crying within my own heart

Inverted tears don't drip from my eyes
The spill inward
Rolling down my emotions
Leaving a trail of soft and broken dreams
Catching themselves in a sad pool of despair
At the foot of my heart

Don't you know I need you to love me
You loyalty isn't a reflection of shallow desire
But stems to the fabric of my heart and soul

Defining my love
Fueling my felt love

You throw it away
Because you feel its not worthy
And I feel it ripped from my soul
As its tossed and lay in the gutter of inner reality

Born from the comparisons of a loving ladybug
Who never understood that I'm not him
And I was proud not to be
Spread from the mean tone of a unemotional protector
down to his son and placed on me because of unreached goals

I know he cared as much as most
Frustration fell so easily
Ripping at everything I knew

Making me quick and short with my own
Living to regret every mean face
Ever angered comment
And irrelevant point that looking back
Was so useless and silly

I cried today because I wanted to go to a place I haven't before
Shared an honestly I hadn't
So very hard
Very emotional

Wicked silver tongued skeptics
Will always find there own agendas
Just remember as long as you hold that hatred for me
Your own heart will never be free to find a happiness

As not I sit here drained
Lonely
Lost
And confused

Tears cause chubby fingers to opt for tiny keys
Making usually bad gammer
Into laughable extremes

Cloudy eyes
Can't express anymore than I do right now

I need a hug
I need someone to reach in and grab my heart
And hold it
I need someone to tell me they love me
I need to hear it more than anything at the moment

I wish for candy coated accents
And numerical coded I love yous
I need the for as well as the action

Isn't this the moment you look in ur phone book
And dial the list of "special"

And how come I can't think of anyine to press that will answer

And in the end
I realize that's why I feel so alone and lost
Its 404am
Do you know where ur Joe*Joe is
Or for that matter
Can u feel the desperation of his words

As the powder settles
My mind spins

I'm sorry
At the moment I just can't seem to find myself
I lost confidence in a lot of things
None greater than that belief in ones self