if you haven't figured it out by now, i've been too busy to write...other than homework.
last wednesday, i went out drinking at the star bar roller girl's benefit for a few hours. my alarm didn't wake me up, so i was about 30 minutes late for work.
last thursday, i went out to corndogorama to see one of my favortie local bands, envie. had lots of fun with my sg crowd...got to talk with renee, the force behind envie, and she actually remembered who i was. she's a person i admire because of her drive, focus, and amazing creatity...as well as her musical ability and knowledge. the video store guy i flirt with was there with his movie, sasspirilla the gorilla. we talked a bit...he bought me a rum and something, that was mostly rum...then shots for everyone. i got much toastier than i'd intended. spanking all around, and thumb wrestling ensued. i hugged and kissed him goodbye, with promises of hanging out sometime...and my sg gave me hugs and kisses too. i feel so loved. was an hour late to work the next morning. silently vowed to save drinking for weekends only.
last friday, our friend, mark, moved onto our couch to stay for us a while. it's cool to have him around. he talks a lot, but at least it's not drival. dustin came into town, and kendra came over...so after the kids went to bed, we all got a little tipsy, and laughed till dawn.
saturday night, dustin, and his friend scott met up with us at julianna's show. it was a good show, as usual, but i don't really like the venue, and my allergies were attacking me. the place makes me very paranoid, and claustrophobic for some reason. after the concert, we all went to devon's birthday party with boozepac and 99 blackberries in tow. fun was had by all...lots of dancing...sexy drunk people...chocolate covered strawberries. dustin of course was trying to make friends of the boozepak. there was some tension from a few people there, but not as much as i expected. met some new friends, caroused with some old. winter showed my boobs to the world as usual. he got more plastered than i've seen in years. luckily no one was too much of an ass. i came back from taking some people home to find dustin in the kitchen with nothing on but my friend's corset.
the inner workings of my head this weekend, i can't talk about much here...sorry. i'm still working some of them out.
dustin has given me the same advice winter has...so i suppose i should try harder to change. my life has been really stressful lately. i feel like i have no time...nothing but commitments, and responsabilities...to the point that i don't even know how to enjoy the things i love in my life, like my family. it seems like i just have a long to-do list. i was raised in an environment where my success was the only thing that mattered. what i could do for others was what made people love me. we all have that to a certain extent...but i think mine was worse than others. i've gotten
used to that pressure...it's like a comfortable blanket...that comforts as it smothers me. i have a need to be successful...and i tend to measure that through the eyes of others. i need to be needed. i fear being useless and inferior. while i do hold myself up to higher standards than those around me, i also set myself up for being used. it puts me in the center of my percieved universe. however, the world would go on without me. i shouldn't have to set up such a stressful domino delusion just to give my life meaning.
what this all ultimately means is...i may be cutting back a bit. i need to figure my life out...i need more time for myself...to be alone...with no expectations. i'm taking a vacation next week, and i plan on using it to meditate and write.
...maybe while winter is busy occupied
there are advantages to being in an open relationship...it's great for freeing up time to be alone. i think the biggest reason people fear open relationships is because they fear being alone. i treasure it...one of the things i miss about having a third person in our household.
anyway, i could go on for hours.
i'll write later about my current stresses. i know change is on the horizen...and it will be for the better. the quiet in between always unsettles me though.
last wednesday, i went out drinking at the star bar roller girl's benefit for a few hours. my alarm didn't wake me up, so i was about 30 minutes late for work.
last thursday, i went out to corndogorama to see one of my favortie local bands, envie. had lots of fun with my sg crowd...got to talk with renee, the force behind envie, and she actually remembered who i was. she's a person i admire because of her drive, focus, and amazing creatity...as well as her musical ability and knowledge. the video store guy i flirt with was there with his movie, sasspirilla the gorilla. we talked a bit...he bought me a rum and something, that was mostly rum...then shots for everyone. i got much toastier than i'd intended. spanking all around, and thumb wrestling ensued. i hugged and kissed him goodbye, with promises of hanging out sometime...and my sg gave me hugs and kisses too. i feel so loved. was an hour late to work the next morning. silently vowed to save drinking for weekends only.
last friday, our friend, mark, moved onto our couch to stay for us a while. it's cool to have him around. he talks a lot, but at least it's not drival. dustin came into town, and kendra came over...so after the kids went to bed, we all got a little tipsy, and laughed till dawn.
saturday night, dustin, and his friend scott met up with us at julianna's show. it was a good show, as usual, but i don't really like the venue, and my allergies were attacking me. the place makes me very paranoid, and claustrophobic for some reason. after the concert, we all went to devon's birthday party with boozepac and 99 blackberries in tow. fun was had by all...lots of dancing...sexy drunk people...chocolate covered strawberries. dustin of course was trying to make friends of the boozepak. there was some tension from a few people there, but not as much as i expected. met some new friends, caroused with some old. winter showed my boobs to the world as usual. he got more plastered than i've seen in years. luckily no one was too much of an ass. i came back from taking some people home to find dustin in the kitchen with nothing on but my friend's corset.
the inner workings of my head this weekend, i can't talk about much here...sorry. i'm still working some of them out.
dustin has given me the same advice winter has...so i suppose i should try harder to change. my life has been really stressful lately. i feel like i have no time...nothing but commitments, and responsabilities...to the point that i don't even know how to enjoy the things i love in my life, like my family. it seems like i just have a long to-do list. i was raised in an environment where my success was the only thing that mattered. what i could do for others was what made people love me. we all have that to a certain extent...but i think mine was worse than others. i've gotten
used to that pressure...it's like a comfortable blanket...that comforts as it smothers me. i have a need to be successful...and i tend to measure that through the eyes of others. i need to be needed. i fear being useless and inferior. while i do hold myself up to higher standards than those around me, i also set myself up for being used. it puts me in the center of my percieved universe. however, the world would go on without me. i shouldn't have to set up such a stressful domino delusion just to give my life meaning.
what this all ultimately means is...i may be cutting back a bit. i need to figure my life out...i need more time for myself...to be alone...with no expectations. i'm taking a vacation next week, and i plan on using it to meditate and write.
...maybe while winter is busy occupied
there are advantages to being in an open relationship...it's great for freeing up time to be alone. i think the biggest reason people fear open relationships is because they fear being alone. i treasure it...one of the things i miss about having a third person in our household.
anyway, i could go on for hours.
i'll write later about my current stresses. i know change is on the horizen...and it will be for the better. the quiet in between always unsettles me though.
laputa64:
you and winter need to stop in on your way to florida or from assuming that you will be going down 75 to get there. i live right off of exit 18 on 75. i will feed you or offer a place to stay. whatever is needed. just let me know.