i've a strange dichotomy....or perhaps it's just truth...objective.
i have more faith and respect for who i am on the inside, than i ever have in my life. my essense is strong. i know what i'm doing, i know what i want. i'm always bettering, refining myself. i'm striving to better others.
yet, i feel insecure on the outside. i don't think people see me or appreciate me for anything o ther than a friend. while that is a wonderful thing to have...and i tend to have in abundance...i still want something closerwith everyone. but there's always a wall there...whether i've put it there, or the other people have, i don't know how to get rid of it. maybe it's lack of trust...for once in my life, i know it's not fear. i know who i am. perhaps i'm gaining guru status? never realised how lonely being a teacher could be. and other good teachers are hard to find.
*insert primal universal scream of frustration*
i have more faith and respect for who i am on the inside, than i ever have in my life. my essense is strong. i know what i'm doing, i know what i want. i'm always bettering, refining myself. i'm striving to better others.
yet, i feel insecure on the outside. i don't think people see me or appreciate me for anything o ther than a friend. while that is a wonderful thing to have...and i tend to have in abundance...i still want something closerwith everyone. but there's always a wall there...whether i've put it there, or the other people have, i don't know how to get rid of it. maybe it's lack of trust...for once in my life, i know it's not fear. i know who i am. perhaps i'm gaining guru status? never realised how lonely being a teacher could be. and other good teachers are hard to find.
*insert primal universal scream of frustration*
i've been taking asprain. not helping much. today i feel much better