wyspurr

i've been really philosophical and distant today. even on the train i wrote poetry instead of reading like usual. i think the poor black folk on the train thought was crazy...i know i had that mad distant look in my eyes like a woman possessed. it was something i had to get out. maybe my inspiration is coming back. i also am craving working on my painting and music.

had girlscouts today. i've decided i need help. i will ask the parents for help once. if i don't get any, i give up. i can no longer handle 15 six year olds screaming and running around the room by myself. i'm not even getting paid. it has become the most stressful project in my life, and i've come to dread the next meeting. i almost broke down in tears today during the meeting. something has to change.

i'm missing the con. not the con itself, but the experience of living...the freedom of it. why does our society feel the need to segregate the aspects of ourselves? what would happen if the debauchary of our fantasies bled into everyday life? i'm a person who doesn't like to divide my selves...and i think in the end, that division is what is going to destroy this "civilization". so much fear and loneliness. the thing i loved most is that at the con, people reveled in their differences. it didn't matter what you looked like, or the size of your body. people were comfortable in their skin. it was the first time i've ever seen so many people from different walks of life feel so confidant and sexy around one another.

off to bed i go...wishing i had more people to cuddle...more family in the mundane. it makes me think of "stranger in a strange land."