wugglyump

hmm. feeling quite lonely. having been on ambien all through-out highschool and well into my twenties, i feel i'm still trying to adjust to not having it. at night i seem to think the most and have my downs...i feel ambien, although sometimes would clarify it...would also delude it.

drinking too, clarify and delude. having neither in my grasp just seems to add to the depression from which i try to escape with said vices, though both do help me sleep...usually. the fact that i suck at losing weight because of the drinking is so very bogus on my end. the depression is getting worse and though i know drinking doesn't help it, it's because something that i couple with activities and enjoy throwing in with my down time.

i miss my old friends, i miss my old life...i do not miss old me. i don't think i appreciated peoples and things enough. now i just feel empty and alone. and it hasn't passed. it's not passing. i take my meds like a good little sheep (mostly) and i just want to stop. But i learned with this one if i do miss a couple days, well i'm a lot worse off then. i'd prefer if i could just switch certain traits and desires and quirks off. yes please.

i am sorry to my friends i didn't appreciate enough. i wish i would have listened to certain ones. but then..i probably wouldn't have who i do have in my life now. duh. and no thank you to that. i am bummed that certain things did not work out. what the shit you know?