As I was waiting for a bus yesterday, I saw an older couple walk by. They both looked like they were in their 70's and were almost certainly married. They looked in good health as they walked past me at a good pace.
I observed the way they held hands. Each person's fingers were interlocked with the other person's. There was a real closeness there. As they continued down the street, I had a bad feeling inside of me. I was actually happy for them, but increasingly sad for myself. That feeling stayed with me the rest of yesterday and into today.
I kept questioning what the Hell was going on. Why couldn't that be me and Annette now and into the future. I felt like my life has no meaning, and never will. I thought about how different my life would be if Annette was still alive. I know how pathetic I sound. Self-pity is never flattering. I'm just trying to be honest here.
My birthday is next Friday, August 21st. I'm going to be 62 years old. I can't help feeling that nothing will ever be good again without my Annette. Without her, i'm having trouble dealing with everyday life. I'd like to feel optimistic about my future, but am having difficulty doing so.
I sometimes wonder what the fuck i'm doing with my life. I have visions of what I want in my future but question if it's realistic, and even if it is, will it make me happy? I hate feeling this way, I really do. I don't know how to make these feelings stop.
I observed the way they held hands. Each person's fingers were interlocked with the other person's. There was a real closeness there. As they continued down the street, I had a bad feeling inside of me. I was actually happy for them, but increasingly sad for myself. That feeling stayed with me the rest of yesterday and into today.
I kept questioning what the Hell was going on. Why couldn't that be me and Annette now and into the future. I felt like my life has no meaning, and never will. I thought about how different my life would be if Annette was still alive. I know how pathetic I sound. Self-pity is never flattering. I'm just trying to be honest here.
My birthday is next Friday, August 21st. I'm going to be 62 years old. I can't help feeling that nothing will ever be good again without my Annette. Without her, i'm having trouble dealing with everyday life. I'd like to feel optimistic about my future, but am having difficulty doing so.
I sometimes wonder what the fuck i'm doing with my life. I have visions of what I want in my future but question if it's realistic, and even if it is, will it make me happy? I hate feeling this way, I really do. I don't know how to make these feelings stop.
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I've know others our age who have lost a longtime companion and, sometimes even when they did not expect to, found someone new and very special. I've known some who never found another special someone but enjoyed the company of several others and lived rich lives. I know of at least two unhappy individuals who quite literally gave in to their misery and withered and died within a couple years of their loss.
The choice is up to you. You have a hard road - you've not only lost your lifetime love but you are facing difficult times on many other fronts. You're doing your best to find employment. I believe that you are looking for a new place to live. These are two things that I detest doing and find extremely stressful. I know that I am not alone in these feelings.
Please try to concentrate on the good things in your life. You have your wonderful daughters and grandchildren. Find joy in the new friends that you are making and the friends that you already have. Live your life and pursue your interests and someone will come along. They always do. Just stay on the path, keep getting the other facets of your life in order and you'll fine. Probably much better than fine. One day you'll wake up and you'll be happy.
Struggling in and suffering reversals because of these troubled and difficult times does not reflect badly on you. Suffering a great loss does not make you a loser. These things are up to you to decide. You have a new life. The slate has been wiped clean. So many people say that they want to start over. You can.
I'm cheering for you. I know that others are too.
All the best...
I don't know what can make you feel better. Your are just gonna have to continue to deal with Annettes death for the rest of your life. Just try to put it someplace where it can be OK. I think a lot of people would rather be in your place, mourning a lifetime of love and a life of loneliness, heart break and bad relationships.