At a time in my life when I should feel settled and at peace, I find myself confused and fearful. I'm questioning every aspect of my life. The scary part is that I don't have any definitive answers to any of the questions.
I'm nowhere near where I need and expect to be financially. I feel vulnerable as Hell when it comes to my future with respect to how secure my financial status is and will be. Some of the reasons for this is due to factors that I had little control of. Other causes are directly related to poor decisions I've made over the years.
Mae-Ann coming into my life has been the best thing that's happened to me since my wife passed away. She is loving, caring and a naturally giving person. While she has plenty of baggage because of the abusive relationship she was in with her ex husband, she has shown me nothing but love and a desire to please me. She is an eager and totally giving sexual partner. She has even been willing to accept and indulge me in my sexual fantasies and fetishes. This is very important to me. She never judged me, even when i told her about my previous experiences that some people might characterize as kinky and even perverted. As some of you may know, I'm referring to my devotion to BDSM.
So what's my problem? I just don't feel sexually attracted to her. I function well only because I am able to focus on what we do rather than who I'm doing it with. I can't get away from making comparisons between Mae-Ann and my late wife. To further complicate matters, I compare her to the person I interacted with during a period between my wife's passing and meeting Mae-Ann. While I realize that this interim relationship was sexual fantasy, it continues to linger on my mind.
While I would never cheat on Mae-Ann with anyone, I feel that I'm being dishonest with her by hiding my feelings about our sexual relationship. I have a great deal of guilt about this. The last thing I want is to hurt Mae-Ann. She's been hurt so much by her ex. I feel that I just have to make the best of things the way they are.
On a positive note, my physical health is excellent. However, with all these other issues that I'm troubled and confused by, I wonder how all of this will affect my health going forward.
I never thought my life would be so complicatede at this stage of it. I feel that I'm at a crossroads and have no idea what direction my life will take.
I'm nowhere near where I need and expect to be financially. I feel vulnerable as Hell when it comes to my future with respect to how secure my financial status is and will be. Some of the reasons for this is due to factors that I had little control of. Other causes are directly related to poor decisions I've made over the years.
Mae-Ann coming into my life has been the best thing that's happened to me since my wife passed away. She is loving, caring and a naturally giving person. While she has plenty of baggage because of the abusive relationship she was in with her ex husband, she has shown me nothing but love and a desire to please me. She is an eager and totally giving sexual partner. She has even been willing to accept and indulge me in my sexual fantasies and fetishes. This is very important to me. She never judged me, even when i told her about my previous experiences that some people might characterize as kinky and even perverted. As some of you may know, I'm referring to my devotion to BDSM.
So what's my problem? I just don't feel sexually attracted to her. I function well only because I am able to focus on what we do rather than who I'm doing it with. I can't get away from making comparisons between Mae-Ann and my late wife. To further complicate matters, I compare her to the person I interacted with during a period between my wife's passing and meeting Mae-Ann. While I realize that this interim relationship was sexual fantasy, it continues to linger on my mind.
While I would never cheat on Mae-Ann with anyone, I feel that I'm being dishonest with her by hiding my feelings about our sexual relationship. I have a great deal of guilt about this. The last thing I want is to hurt Mae-Ann. She's been hurt so much by her ex. I feel that I just have to make the best of things the way they are.
On a positive note, my physical health is excellent. However, with all these other issues that I'm troubled and confused by, I wonder how all of this will affect my health going forward.
I never thought my life would be so complicatede at this stage of it. I feel that I'm at a crossroads and have no idea what direction my life will take.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
And reminder we are in a time when everyone is hurting cause of too little money. And everyone is subject to human emotions and thoughts of all sorts during life. Your never too mature to be vulnerable or confused.
I believe in you and your abilities and choice making. I am certain that you will find a path far more agreeable and appropriate than I ever would.
Just wait until next year.