wrigley

so my parents currently have a strong dislike for me because i'm crazy. i guess my dad found a picture of the red star tattoos that fell out of my stuff when i was packing and he fucking flipped out. and told me he doesn't give a shit about our relationship. so i called my mom because she's usually more willing to try and understand me. and i just explained that this has been a really hard year, particularly with the baby, and that rather than hurt myself, i do the tattoos and piercings to channel all that energy into something i see as beautiful. her response "why are you so stupid? why are you like this after all we've done for you" yeah......i just explained to you how fragile things have been and you ask me why i'm so stupid...that does not make me feel better. at all. and it gets to the root of the problem...i can't ever make anyone happy with me. and i know i know, all that matters is making myself happy, but i'm starting to think that's a bunch of bullshit because i can't manage to do that either. so, my mom wants to just leave me alone and not talk to me for awhile, my dad and i aren't speaking and as usual i feel like a fuck up. i don't even know what to do anymore. i try to protect my parents from who i really am and i hurt them, i try to explain how i think and feel to them, and i hurt them. mostly i'm good at hurting people i guess.