wrigley

bah.
i wish i could pretend i didn't have feelings. my friend scott and i had a huge fight a few weeks ago and i totally snapped on him for no logical reason and the more i think about it the shittier i feel. so i finally got him to talk to me today, and i told him that i'm appalled that i had the nerve to treat someone i considered a friend like that. and that i was really sorry because the times we had were good. and all he had to say was "i've moved on, bye" and now i feel like a fool because i was honest about how i felt and it's really been upsetting me and this is how it turns out? i didn't expect him to want to hook up again, but i thought we could be civil to each other. i don't know, i let him know things about me that friends i've had for years don't know and we only saw each other for about 4 months. i just feel violated now, like i should have kept my mouth shut. i just want to curl up and not move.


Yay! I thought things couldn't get a whole lot worse, but then I found out that it wasn't just a coincidence that my best friend whom I adore decided he wanted to be "just friends" and my friend ashley decided to stop speaking me at the same time. apparently they wanted to date, and he didn't want to hurt me, so he was "waiting" to tell me. she told me today. it feels like such.....a conspiracy. and if it was anyone else i'd probably just be sort of pissed and blow it off, but god, it was him. he's my baby. and i feel like such a fool. i'm sitting here telling him how great he is and how much i care about him, and he's meanwhile planning on dating her.

oh yeah, and the icing on the cake, I got a letter from the architecture department today requesting that i start coming to class. i'm lucky if i can motivate myself to leave my room each day, and they want me to come to class. fuck off. i'm doing the best i can.