No dream journal for me tonight.
It was a day of profound laziness with only a brief period of anything resembling productivity. I need to eat a healthy meal. I feel depleted. I feel .... pointless. I should know better. I know freedom and expression is something I should be fighting for. All I do though is seek rest. Going outside is too much work. All I do when i'm at work is count the hours till I can come home and lay on my couch and lay down and read and rest. After my last 2 days off i've accomplished almost nothing, and I dont have any Christmas shopping done, and I dont really care that much. I feel trapped in my house. Its the only place I feel comfortable. I need to wander. I need to force myself to explore. I found out yesterday Vendetta Red was playing at Neumos in a couple weeks on one of my days off, for like $10 and I hesitated buying tickets anyways. I should know better. I chided Molly for trapping herself away from the world. I tried to encourage her to stretch out, but I feel myself following in her footsteps. I'm wondering if her fear of interaction may actually be healthier as a warning for her, than my comfort with being alone and my inability to engage with the rest of the world. At least she could pass through a day and feel something out of place, even if the world that tried to draw her out scared her. I feel no pull at all and barely notice the lack.
It was a day of profound laziness with only a brief period of anything resembling productivity. I need to eat a healthy meal. I feel depleted. I feel .... pointless. I should know better. I know freedom and expression is something I should be fighting for. All I do though is seek rest. Going outside is too much work. All I do when i'm at work is count the hours till I can come home and lay on my couch and lay down and read and rest. After my last 2 days off i've accomplished almost nothing, and I dont have any Christmas shopping done, and I dont really care that much. I feel trapped in my house. Its the only place I feel comfortable. I need to wander. I need to force myself to explore. I found out yesterday Vendetta Red was playing at Neumos in a couple weeks on one of my days off, for like $10 and I hesitated buying tickets anyways. I should know better. I chided Molly for trapping herself away from the world. I tried to encourage her to stretch out, but I feel myself following in her footsteps. I'm wondering if her fear of interaction may actually be healthier as a warning for her, than my comfort with being alone and my inability to engage with the rest of the world. At least she could pass through a day and feel something out of place, even if the world that tried to draw her out scared her. I feel no pull at all and barely notice the lack.