worldablaze

I wrote a relatively lengthy blog. It is now gone. That is frustrating. I can't possibly convey how close I am right now to tearing my fucking computer to shreds, it's not like I wasn't already pissy enough beforehand. Burn it all down. Fuck all this shit. What's the fucking point? I don't even understand why the fuck I try.

Oh yeah. Nothing but a whole lot of mess here. Fuck yeah. Makes you all high on life.

So.....Here I am for the first time in months. That means it's been months since I've even been writing or journaling at all. Probably not a good thing, but I just can't seem to structure my thoughts. After all the planning and plotting and preparing...everything is still a big mess. Still somewhat injured. Still haven't gotten any closer to accomplishing my goals. Still trying to...
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So...I'm back in the states. That is a good thing. Lots of ups and downs though. Pretty lonely and emotional, I guess. On the one hand, some things are looking good. Just got my dream car (at least within reason), and am in the process of buying my first house. That is exciting. On the other hand, I'm still a depressed drunk. I quit the...
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I'm so fucking tired of everything.

I'm going back on my meds. I'll only stay on them until I get back to the states, but for now it'll help me deal with these ass-hats I have to work with. I really have had a pretty bad relapse of minor depression and anxiety lately, and today was the last straw. Nothing even really happened, just the same old periodic whiny bitch fit...
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Haven't been online much these days. Well, we didn't end up moving, which is very fortunate. We did, on the other hand, end up with a much shittier schedule. That's usually how the army works, I guess. Things always have to get a little more stupid before the end. Oh well, only 3 or 4 more weeks before we start packing it up to finally...
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We were told recently that we might have to move our combat outpost to a new location, further away from our FOB and our parent unit. That would suck completely. All we wanted after enduring a year of all this bullshit, was to ride out our last few months safely and continue with our routines until we leave. If we end up moving, that means...
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And today has been a wonderful, cheery, happy day. I got to chat with Cayley for several hours, and it's been the highlight of at least the past week. She just makes me feel more alive than anything does these days. I still look forward to my big challenges, preparing for SFAS mainly. Plenty of projects to keep me busy when I get back. But...
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It's been one of those worthless, no-good, frustratingly bad days. I don't know exactly why, I just know that it's been one of those days. Nothing even happened or went wrong, work wasn't bad, I just feel like garbage and have been grumpy as fuck all day.