worldablaze

I feel like I have something I need to get out of my system, something on my mind that's weighing me down. I don't know what it is though. I don't why that is. Maybe I don't have enough time to think anymore. Maybe I've lost the ability to think clearly? Do I just dream around about what I want to accomplish without doing anything? Nothing is real. Everything that's come and gone, even the things that remain in my head might as well all be make-believe. Maybe nothing ever took place the way I thought it did, maybe nothing ever will take place the way I intend. Even currently, I might be seeing a reality that doesn't even exist. Everything I have been, everything I am now, is nothing like what I've tried to be. I'm not even sure I know what that is anymore, or whether it matters. I think I used to have an understanding for my beliefs, my principles, my thoughts, or maybe that's just my imagination as well. Now I have a hard time even thinking. It hurts to think about almost anything. My life, the lives of others, the world as a whole, the small scale, the big picture.....it all just hurts. And that's just thinking....feeling is even worse. I'm concerned that if this development continues, I won't be able to understand my thoughts or my feelings anymore. One line after another begins to blur. I don't think they used to, I'm not sure. I don't think they should, but that might not be up to me. It doesn't seem to be. I think I'm supposed to be looking for something. I might actually be doing so, but I don't know what I'm looking for. Whatever it may be, it seems very difficult to find. Writing this hurts my head. None of this even makes any sense. I take a look around, and I think none of this is supposed to be here. I'm not supposed to be here, maybe? I wonder where I'm supposed to be then.