I just finished CS and I started PoA 
My mom changed the blown fuse and now all the appliances work again so I have to call my landlord and tell him not to come tomorrow.
If it's possible to have an anxiety attack, then I've been having them for at least the past couple months; in fact, I'm having one right now. I practically hung up on Neil, and for no reason. I was so he afraid he was going to be angry with me for not calling him back and then he wasn't but all of a sudden I got really anxious so I just said, "I better go," and hung up. I think he was in the middle of talking. I hate feeling like this. It's like everything is coming at me at once and there's nowhere to hide. It's going away a little now.
I've been pretty abusive to Pansy lately. She's been misbehaving a lot because I haven't been working with her, and I've been hitting her and biting her and tying her to the door because I can't get her to go into her crate anymore. I know what I'm doing is wrong and probably qualifies as animal abuse. She likes my mother better than she likes me and she probably always will. She's my fucking dog. I'm supposed to be her favorite person. It's all because she lived with my mom last summer when I was growing up. I can't even get away from my mother with my fucking dog. She always has to latch onto something. Pansy is supposed to love me. I don't really pay attention to her that much though. I feed her and stuff but we never play anymore because she always starts biting me. I know I need to work with her. Lately all I've been doing is sleeping.
Sometimes, I just don't know. I know there are definitely things wrong with me, and that I probably need help, but I can't make myself feel bad about the things I've done. I don't feel guilty. Sometimes I get in realy violent moods. Like right now my neighbors are having a party and I want to go outside and scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'M CALLING THE COPS ON YOU FUCKERS!" but I'm not going to because I wouldn't call the cops on them because no one ever calls them on me, and I don't even have the guts to go yell at them since I see them every couple of days and it'll be weird if we're all giving off these hatey vibes.
I think I'm going to go try to clean or read PoA or something. Maybe play some music to drown out my neighbors. Anything that will make the way I feel right now go away.
My mom changed the blown fuse and now all the appliances work again so I have to call my landlord and tell him not to come tomorrow.
If it's possible to have an anxiety attack, then I've been having them for at least the past couple months; in fact, I'm having one right now. I practically hung up on Neil, and for no reason. I was so he afraid he was going to be angry with me for not calling him back and then he wasn't but all of a sudden I got really anxious so I just said, "I better go," and hung up. I think he was in the middle of talking. I hate feeling like this. It's like everything is coming at me at once and there's nowhere to hide. It's going away a little now.
I've been pretty abusive to Pansy lately. She's been misbehaving a lot because I haven't been working with her, and I've been hitting her and biting her and tying her to the door because I can't get her to go into her crate anymore. I know what I'm doing is wrong and probably qualifies as animal abuse. She likes my mother better than she likes me and she probably always will. She's my fucking dog. I'm supposed to be her favorite person. It's all because she lived with my mom last summer when I was growing up. I can't even get away from my mother with my fucking dog. She always has to latch onto something. Pansy is supposed to love me. I don't really pay attention to her that much though. I feed her and stuff but we never play anymore because she always starts biting me. I know I need to work with her. Lately all I've been doing is sleeping.
Sometimes, I just don't know. I know there are definitely things wrong with me, and that I probably need help, but I can't make myself feel bad about the things I've done. I don't feel guilty. Sometimes I get in realy violent moods. Like right now my neighbors are having a party and I want to go outside and scream "SHUT THE FUCK UP OR I'M CALLING THE COPS ON YOU FUCKERS!" but I'm not going to because I wouldn't call the cops on them because no one ever calls them on me, and I don't even have the guts to go yell at them since I see them every couple of days and it'll be weird if we're all giving off these hatey vibes.
I think I'm going to go try to clean or read PoA or something. Maybe play some music to drown out my neighbors. Anything that will make the way I feel right now go away.