wolfwood

Ok, so I did call him. And it went ok. At least I think it went okay. He's gonna call me when he gets back in town next Thursday night. He'll get back around 11 or 12, he said. So that means I have a week to lose weight, look nicer, do whatever shit that can possible make me more attractive in that time. I really, really, really need to get new clothes. I have a small amount of clothes that I actually wear, and almost none of the stuff I have is good for summer. But, I still haven't lost any weight yet, so I don't want to get new clothes. I guess I'll have to do laundry and then rummage around and hopefully come up with something. Or maybe, maybe go get a new shirt. It's really hard to be gothic in the summer time, and it's even harder to fat in the summer time because I want to wear clothes that don't show all my horrible fatness but still not die of heat exhaustion. If I start going to the gym tomorrow I should be able to get down to 155 by the time he gets here. That's still in fat country but it's a start. I'm hoping to lose enough weight to be able to go shopping for summer clothes sometime in June. I had to pay for mine and Liv's security deposit this month, so it's just as well that I'm too fat to buy new clothes because I don't have any spare money anyway. And it's a good thing I got a gyros today and had a sub on Monday because now I don't have to feel deprived of my favorite take out foods since I just ate 2 out of 3 of them. I hope he's not just looking for a fuck buddy because I actually want a relationship. Not like an "omg let's get married be together forever" kind of shit, but just a casual relationship. Like we're friends: we hang out, go do stuff, but also have sex. And I don't think I want to have sex right away because the last two times I did that it kind of fucked things up. But then, the last two times, I didn't really like either of those guys and was not attracted to them at all, whereas Neil is totally hot and sexy, and I am a huge fat cow with no good clothes and a horrible personality. Well, I have some good clothes, but I need more. Most of my clothes either don't fit or are workout clothes. I think we hit it off really well though. At least *I* think so. Maybe he hates me. Or he just tolerates me because he wants to have sex. I hope not, because I really like him. He's totally my type. Of course I'm not going to actually come out and say anything about all this unless it gets to the point where I am sure that's all he wants because having discussions about shit always screws things up, and I'm not the type of person to be all like "omg where is our relationship going?" because I think all that shit is neurotic and stupid and screws things up, and I'm right about that. I hope he doesn't think I'm really fat. I have good tits and a great ass and a good face, but my stomach and legs are really fat. All this is making me sound more neurotic and shallow and low-self esteem than I really am. He's got a great body. He's 6"5 and really lanky and hot and all that. Mmmmmmmmmmmm. I told him I'd cut up his body and sell it for parts. He's totally my type.