watch the video for a better knowledge/definition of this illness. (she drove me nuts but its the best video i found)

I dont really have anyone to talk to so im going to just vent through here...

I was just diagnosed with bipolar. ive been struggling with it for a long time but just didnt want to seek further help once i found out my biological father has type 1 bipolar. which is the most severe. i was terrified. some of the things he told me were so fucked up i didnt know what to think. i couldnt even believe what he said came out of his mouth. it made me so fucking scared that id become that. i already was diagnosed with major depression and anxiety and everything i looked up about bipolar 1 and 2 was that alot of people who were bipolar were misdiagnosed with major depression. i kept thinking what if thats me? everyone always gives me shit and says im annoying when im happy. they think im overly happy and energetic. I talk too fast and i dont make sense. but as far as im concerned i love that side. id much rather have the manic then the depressive side of bipolar when you want absolutely nothing but to die or lay in bed until you basically waste away. nah fuck that id rather be overly happy then feel like shit 100% of the time. i hate that no one can be supportive and "go along for the ride" with me. just be okay that im not wanting to kill myself or cutting or drinking heavily just to make the pain stop.

right now im going into a manic episode. its 6am and i havent slept. i slept yesterday but didnt the night before and was up for almost 40 hours. i was extremely productive at work so i guess thats one good thing about this illness.but there are some bad side effects from it too but i never think about that til later because i feel so amazing while im in the "manic" stage.

ill probably regret posting this but i needed a place to get some of these thought outs.