Flying or Bound ?- A treatise on birthdays and history.
I woke up today wondering if I would really identify
with being 30 finally. No. Apart from friends who say 30 isn't
not bad that its 31 the really gets to you., I just end up
mystified at the flow of thoughts that remind me that I have
crossed some threshold.
Society wants to make me responsible and a good citizen whom
will buckle down and desire a mortgage or at least success.
Gender compliments me on the degree to which I can look
younger than "I am." All this seems to be re-enforced by
the personal history I carry around and the larger collective
one that is not easily ignored.
Does history define you? I used to worry about my future
because of my history. Fuck it, I'm scared of being the kind
of old that the world tells me to expect. History of others
wants to drag me into maturity paranoia, and obsessive
negative mind is aching to remind me of the many things I
may never have again. - best be looking for vaugely
defined safety, family, love, etc.
Yet I realize that my history does not define me. It may beat work informing
some things, but I won't be confined to seeing the world
through the past. Furthermore I feel confined by what I used
to, might of, should want attemping to convince me that I
am unable to be anything else.
Do you believe in your history ?
I woke up today wondering if I would really identify
with being 30 finally. No. Apart from friends who say 30 isn't
not bad that its 31 the really gets to you., I just end up
mystified at the flow of thoughts that remind me that I have
crossed some threshold.
Society wants to make me responsible and a good citizen whom
will buckle down and desire a mortgage or at least success.
Gender compliments me on the degree to which I can look
younger than "I am." All this seems to be re-enforced by
the personal history I carry around and the larger collective
one that is not easily ignored.
Does history define you? I used to worry about my future
because of my history. Fuck it, I'm scared of being the kind
of old that the world tells me to expect. History of others
wants to drag me into maturity paranoia, and obsessive
negative mind is aching to remind me of the many things I
may never have again. - best be looking for vaugely
defined safety, family, love, etc.
Yet I realize that my history does not define me. It may beat work informing
some things, but I won't be confined to seeing the world
through the past. Furthermore I feel confined by what I used
to, might of, should want attemping to convince me that I
am unable to be anything else.
Do you believe in your history ?
on a lighter note, someone told me (a week before my 30th birthday) that you go to heaven when you turn 30. and, cheezy as it sounds, it really helped. like i'm going around again, but on a different plane. enjoy the ride, at least.
and thanks for your poetic thoughts on anonymity/honesty (and the surprise visit)!
*smiles* red.
[Edited on Jan 07, 2003]
book about the mind by this Kundalini practitioner whom posits that
we don't nec. peel away parts of our mind in the way, but that by categorizing
the aspects of perception we are better able to cope with them.
I completely agree with habituation and past all contributing weight keeping
one from being entirely flexible and spontenious and seeing them for the
past they are can help keep them from owning your present and future.
Thxnks for dropping by!