Reading K-Matt's blog made me think about how we always want what we don't have. This odd psychological twist in our minds keeps us on our toes, keeps us going as a human race. My secret wish life (I guess not to so secret now) would entail me living in a tiny apartment in Manhattan. Most likely located in Little Italy or Chinatown because I assume rent would be somewhat cheaper. I would barely scrape to get by, relying on my smoldering sexuality to get me dinners with married lawyers and stockbrokers. The city would be my life blood. I would be best friends with tran-sexuals, become a human mattress during fleet week, and somehow dodge the Carrie Bradshaw references.
A few years ago I was given a chance to live this life. To leave everything behind in the mid-west and start my own Holly Golightly fairy tale. But, I couldn't do it. I still don't know why. I had just gotten back from Seattle and maybe I was tired. Here I am, almost three years later, with a (lucky) Husband, two children, a SAM's membership card and a mortgage. Am I happy? Of course. But on occasion I'll watch "Igby Goes Down" and feen for my almost New York life.
A few years ago I was given a chance to live this life. To leave everything behind in the mid-west and start my own Holly Golightly fairy tale. But, I couldn't do it. I still don't know why. I had just gotten back from Seattle and maybe I was tired. Here I am, almost three years later, with a (lucky) Husband, two children, a SAM's membership card and a mortgage. Am I happy? Of course. But on occasion I'll watch "Igby Goes Down" and feen for my almost New York life.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
kmatt:
My thing is, I have no family whatsoever. No parents, relatvies, anything. I sit alone on Christmas, Easter, etc. What I was getting at is that I believe we need a balance of friends and family to be truly happy though. It's like, almost 2 different kinds of love and affection. I am completely lacking in one side of it, and just feel a big empty hole in my soul.
skywisdom:
Your comment about fucking, maggots, and chocolate was the best thing comment I've ever seen, I think.