Reading K-Matt's blog made me think about how we always want what we don't have. This odd psychological twist in our minds keeps us on our toes, keeps us going as a human race. My secret wish life (I guess not to so secret now) would entail me living in a tiny apartment in Manhattan. Most likely located in Little Italy or Chinatown because I assume rent would be somewhat cheaper. I would barely scrape to get by, relying on my smoldering sexuality to get me dinners with married lawyers and stockbrokers. The city would be my life blood. I would be best friends with tran-sexuals, become a human mattress during fleet week, and somehow dodge the Carrie Bradshaw references.

A few years ago I was given a chance to live this life. To leave everything behind in the mid-west and start my own Holly Golightly fairy tale. But, I couldn't do it. I still don't know why. I had just gotten back from Seattle and maybe I was tired. Here I am, almost three years later, with a (lucky) Husband, two children, a SAM's membership card and a mortgage. Am I happy? Of course. But on occasion I'll watch "Igby Goes Down" and feen for my almost New York life.