I don't know for sure if its just a natural side effect of getting older or I'm just making excuses for my misery, but I was hit with a notion that I'm just losing the part of myself that made me so impressionable. In my younger years, prior to my 8 year relationship, I made a lasting impression on every single person I met. It didn't matter if they liked or hated me. It seemed a bit extra in my case since I did it without ever trying. This would seem to remain strong after I left a place.

Lately, however, this effect seems to vanish as soon as I am out of sight, and unless I am in view or earshot it never even takes effect. My ability to form a lasting connection with new people, something that was second nature to me all my life, is all but gone it seems.

My new job Bartending should have rekindled my social grace. It hasn't changed. I'm friendly with all my co-workers, yet I honestly couldn't call any of them "a friend". I feel like I'm just an aquaintence they work with. The job has a Facebook group that they all use to swap shifts and post schedules. I found this out through the boss and have asked my co-workers for an invite. Yet I feel as soon as I'm gone anything involving me is just forgotten. And it's not deliberate on their part. I just don't stay on people's minds like I used to.

I still think its my fault. I have no idea why but I fully believe that I'm degressing into a person I do not wish to be. Yet I have no idea how to pull put of this dive.