its strange really. i wish i had jack sparrow's unique compass right about now.

do i know what i want? yes.
do i know how to get it? no

i'm sitting here typing this knowing full well it too will be ignored by all save one. honestly i don't really know what the matter is. i sometimes feel like a part of myself is dying. i'm at a odd point in my life where i feel can't do anything. i can't mae friends, i can't enjoy the simple things i used to. my life just feels very very stale. and all of my attempts to alter it seem futile. i joined SGnola in hopes of meeting local members and possibly adding an element of fun to my life. but that invisible wall that was present even when i was a site member years ago is still there. i don't understand why the group is so dead.

i sometimes feel my ignoring of trends and pop culture has made me boring and stagnant? i feel blocked off from everyone around me. this feeling is quite alien to me since i'm used to being the social person. i would feel so much better if i just had someone to talk to right now. i missed my lover, tattooedbella, by 10 min and i feel like an ass. she lightens my life every time we talk. no matter what its about.