wilona

Why hello boys and girls!
I haven't written a proper blog in a while so here goes.

I'm feeling a lot better than I was in my last cry-baby whine-fest of a blog.

Things with the ex are improving. Well, we had a massive argument and I told him I never wanted to see him again. But I thought that was a bit harsh and took it back a few minutes later. The last few weeks have just proved to me how little he cares about me and how much he's changed. I still care about him a lot, which is what's getting me down, but I guess it's time to let him be someone else's responsiblity. It's just hard pretending not to care about someone you do really care about.

Lately he's been looking so rough - he's not eating or sleeping as much as he should be, and he's doing way too many drugs and working way too many hours. He's running himself into the ground, and it shows. Badly. We were chatting on webcam on MSN the other night, and I couldn't believe how tired and ill he looked. He looks like a ghost

As soon as I turnt my cam off I just burst into tears, because... I felt like I did that to him. But thankfully, someone close to me snapped me out of it and made me realise that he makes his own decisions in life and I essentially have very little influence over him. If I keep blaming myself for other people's mistakes, I'm just going to end up a twittering wreck, afraid to do anything at all in case somebody gets hurt. I wish I could make him happy again, but I can't, and that's that. It's hard but there's nothing I can do about it.

But I can say one thing: I'm beginning to not be attracted by him anymore. And that feels like I've come over a massive hurdle. It feels like I'm over the hard bit now.

I still love him, but in a different way.


Sigh.

When I think about it, I get upset.
Damn it.

Some happy stuff now I've got the Alex crap out the way!

I went out with the girls from work last week. I proper chavved it up in Croydon and Sutton and felt totally out of place, but yanno, I had a really good time! I've really missed dancing. I used to do a lot of street dance, I used to be so fit and pretty fucking good at it! So it was like the old days, dancing to hip hop and stuff like that I danced so much my thighs were killing in the morning!!!

Sadly my idiot friends broke the camera we brought out, so all I have are crappy phone pictures that I've touched up to the best of my ability (and quickly because I'm lazy) so yeah.

Here goes.






These girls are awesome, they keep me sane in a place that quite often drives me crazy!

So that's it for another blog my friends.
I'll be updating with something rather awesome and Boosh related pretty soon...
MySpace are running a competition to interview the Boosh, and I AM going to win.
I'm gonna go further than anyone else.
I'm gonna win damn it.
Watch this space.
It's gonna be hi-laaarious.

Love yaz
xxx