i'm feeling kinda ..... empty.
the realization that i can sit for so long, not connect with anyone, avoid human contact for hours/days on end, say nothing besides polite "please, thank-you, excuse me's"....
i think i was walking through the mall's covered parking lot, thinking back on past incidents of violence/shootings that temporarily sullied the area's sense of safety, thinking, "well, my sister's out of town right now, if i were randomly shot/hurt, who would care for me (or about me) within the immediate aftermath?" the answer is, it would be hard to choose/find/ask anyone nowadays.....
i spent the day watching videos, listening to a director's commentary on Black Snake Moan, watching a Slipknot concert video (making a few thousand people sit down and jump up, and follow your directions is a teacher's dream in a way....), a Blueman Group video, watching South Park (where Butter's parents get screwed up on their anniversary), going on four+ hour long YouTube tangents (how the hell did i start by watching a dance video and end up looking up shit on Dimebag's death?)..... i guess the whole theme of 'connectivity', touching/reaching a mass amount of people, influencing, sharing, appreciating..... and just thinking, "what the hell do I do with my time when I'm not working? What am I doing now, is it meaningful?".....
empty's probably not the best word.... alone, drained, overwhelmed, lost, bored, frustrated, .... yeah, i think it's alone.....
the realization that i can sit for so long, not connect with anyone, avoid human contact for hours/days on end, say nothing besides polite "please, thank-you, excuse me's"....
i think i was walking through the mall's covered parking lot, thinking back on past incidents of violence/shootings that temporarily sullied the area's sense of safety, thinking, "well, my sister's out of town right now, if i were randomly shot/hurt, who would care for me (or about me) within the immediate aftermath?" the answer is, it would be hard to choose/find/ask anyone nowadays.....
i spent the day watching videos, listening to a director's commentary on Black Snake Moan, watching a Slipknot concert video (making a few thousand people sit down and jump up, and follow your directions is a teacher's dream in a way....), a Blueman Group video, watching South Park (where Butter's parents get screwed up on their anniversary), going on four+ hour long YouTube tangents (how the hell did i start by watching a dance video and end up looking up shit on Dimebag's death?)..... i guess the whole theme of 'connectivity', touching/reaching a mass amount of people, influencing, sharing, appreciating..... and just thinking, "what the hell do I do with my time when I'm not working? What am I doing now, is it meaningful?".....
empty's probably not the best word.... alone, drained, overwhelmed, lost, bored, frustrated, .... yeah, i think it's alone.....