You know that part in the "Lisa's a vegetarian" episode of the Simpsons where she shoves the roasting pig with a tractor into the street, sending Homer and Bart flailing after it? How Homer's going "it's still good, it's still good" with every worsening bit that hits the pig?
Well, that's Fantastic Four in a nutshell. A movie that got utterly, utterly worse by the more moments that passed on-screen. A majority of the people who watched it tonight called it "entertaining". Not "good". "Entertaining".
The last movie everyone called "entertaining" was Alien Vs. Predator.
So you get the idea. There were so many problems with this film. The changing of Victor Von Doom from a despot who had been forced to wear the iron mask because of a lab accident back in college that involved Reed Richards -- and into some boring businessman who somehow owns a space station. Instead of using vast sums of money to create his powers, he apparently manages to gain it through the same solar wave that gives everyone else ONE power?
The bridge action sequence is about the most emotionless, least-exciting action scene in the last two years. Even Van Helsing gave better buildup than this.
Freezing Reed Richards is somewhere in the vicinity of "worst cinematic ideas ever".
The ending sequence, which Fox paid $20 MILLION to redo better, still looks awful and carries no weight after a movie that faltered on every single character and their relationship to others.
They introduce Alicia Masters -- and then bring her back at the end of the film, completely in love with Ben Grimm. She rubbed his face in one scene an hour earlier, and having followed Ben's journey pretty much nonstop for the rest of the movie, at some point he found time to get some blind lovin'?
Tim Story brings absolutely no style to the film. He also obviously can't build momentum. And here, he doesn't even have good dialogue to work with, which saved Barbershop.
To be fair, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, and Julian McMahon all turn in the best stuff they can in vain attempts to bring the movie up -- but they aren't enough, because both Ioan Gruffuard and Jessica Alba are AWFUL as Richards and Sue Storm -- as actors and as a love story (which should be the simplest -- since Reed simply took Sue into his world and never thought of her as a person with a lower intelligence, a beautiful gesture). They have nothing even close to chemistry. To think, this once could've been George Clooney and Michelle Pfeiffer.
I can't believe I left hanging out with Ioana early to watch this. I'm so making it up to her. I'm so fucking definitely making it up to me for leaving a beautiful lady (even if she was really crabby tonight after a long, boring day).
Blarg.
Worst movie of the summer, almost of the year. Slightly behind Alone In The Dark.
Well, that's Fantastic Four in a nutshell. A movie that got utterly, utterly worse by the more moments that passed on-screen. A majority of the people who watched it tonight called it "entertaining". Not "good". "Entertaining".
The last movie everyone called "entertaining" was Alien Vs. Predator.
So you get the idea. There were so many problems with this film. The changing of Victor Von Doom from a despot who had been forced to wear the iron mask because of a lab accident back in college that involved Reed Richards -- and into some boring businessman who somehow owns a space station. Instead of using vast sums of money to create his powers, he apparently manages to gain it through the same solar wave that gives everyone else ONE power?
The bridge action sequence is about the most emotionless, least-exciting action scene in the last two years. Even Van Helsing gave better buildup than this.
Freezing Reed Richards is somewhere in the vicinity of "worst cinematic ideas ever".
The ending sequence, which Fox paid $20 MILLION to redo better, still looks awful and carries no weight after a movie that faltered on every single character and their relationship to others.
They introduce Alicia Masters -- and then bring her back at the end of the film, completely in love with Ben Grimm. She rubbed his face in one scene an hour earlier, and having followed Ben's journey pretty much nonstop for the rest of the movie, at some point he found time to get some blind lovin'?
Tim Story brings absolutely no style to the film. He also obviously can't build momentum. And here, he doesn't even have good dialogue to work with, which saved Barbershop.
To be fair, Chris Evans, Michael Chiklis, and Julian McMahon all turn in the best stuff they can in vain attempts to bring the movie up -- but they aren't enough, because both Ioan Gruffuard and Jessica Alba are AWFUL as Richards and Sue Storm -- as actors and as a love story (which should be the simplest -- since Reed simply took Sue into his world and never thought of her as a person with a lower intelligence, a beautiful gesture). They have nothing even close to chemistry. To think, this once could've been George Clooney and Michelle Pfeiffer.
I can't believe I left hanging out with Ioana early to watch this. I'm so making it up to her. I'm so fucking definitely making it up to me for leaving a beautiful lady (even if she was really crabby tonight after a long, boring day).
Blarg.
Worst movie of the summer, almost of the year. Slightly behind Alone In The Dark.