wildseven

I am so fucking angry right now. For the first time in a long while i really wish i could kill someone. Not just anyone, someone in particular. I haven't felt like this since i was 16, and my second surgery went awry, but at least i still know that it's in there somewhere. You know the type of deep-seated, pure anger that sometimes grips you. Borderline homocidal rage. You know that funny feeling behind your eyes and nose when you're about to bawl your eyes out? I've had that for the past hour. Having emotions just isn't worth it sometimes. This is one of the times where blogging really helps.

Ok. So far i've failed four out of six exams. Flushed them away one after the other. No doubt about it now. My college career is over. For the foreseeable future anyway. Now what am i going to do. Almost finished my letters. My US one won't be delivered in time for Christmas though. Which i'm really pissed about. I wasn't able to finish it any sooner. Hadn't got the words to write. I'm sure they, you know who you are, understand but i'm annoyed at myself. That i couldn't bring myself up to writing it.

There'll be water if ka wills it

I'm going to try drawing again. I tried during my astrophysics exam and i did a drawing of my hand that i thought looked very good. My academic work ethic has completely vanished. It got the fuck out of dodge. But it took a lot of my stress with it. I couldn't study for my exams now, even if i wanted to. My academic career is over. Unless something drastic changes i'm not going back. I may have to repay the grant i've received over the past two years, but i don't care if i do. Time's too short to give a shit about saving money. It'll probably amount to half my savings, but i don't care. The anguish of spending time there was too much. Time that money can't buy back. Time to try the artistic route. I'm going to start recording the few dreams that i can recall the following morning. See if that helps the ideas block i've been struggling with. Can't think of anything to write. Can't think of anything to draw. Can't think of anything really. Sort of a dull haze i've been mired in.

I've to head to an exam now, so i'm going to finish it here. It's fading now, so this blog seems to have helped. Thanks for reading if you still are.