wildchild

I wish my room would just clean itself... I know everyone wishes that, but today especially it seems unsually unbearable. I've been sort of down today, I really don't know why. I guess when you feel shitty, everything around seems shitty too - like my room. It feels like a tomb. I have to go to work soon, and I really don't want to at all. Mother's Day. The restaurant is probably going to be packed. I hate being fake and smiley and telling people "I'm doing great!" because it puts tips on the tables. I wish I could just say- "yeah, I feel like shit, and I wish you wouldn't talk to me!" My friend Natalie's birthday was last night and I didn't go. Maybe that's why I feel so bad today. Maybe it's guilt. I have flaked on her so much, and it was her fucking birthday! I didn't even bother to go. What is wrong with me? Why can't I be more social and act like a normal person? Being alone is always good. I'm always more comfortable with myself than with anyone else. I enjoy my own company and am not afraid of solitude. But ... sometimes I feel like it affects other people around me and for that i am truly sorry