wildbill755

S.O.B.E.R= son of a bitch, everything is real! It's kind of hard for me to believe that I'd be at an AA meeting on St. Patrick's Day, one year after the must humbling moment of my life. One year ago today at 8:06 p.m. I was blowing a .169. It has been a long road, one day at a time. One of the speakers tonight was telling a story of one of the new guys in AA that asked "does it get better?" His answer was yes, but it is a hard road, it is hard to stay on it, and at times it is almost impossible, that is why many people go back to the bottle. I know that there have been times, many times, where I wanted to crawl back into the bottle, because it's what I knew. Specifically a few really stressful moments/times dealing with the aftermath of my DUI, and the loss of the relationship which, well... what can I really say about it. I actually haven't been to a meeting in a while, and with all the shit in my head right now, I know I needed it. It gave me some initiative to step back and take stock of what is going on with life. 11 days until I reach 1 year of sobriety, well by the time I hit add comment it'll be 10 days. 44 days left in the navy. The uncertainty is daunting but not overwhelming yet, job prospects are out there, but will I be happy? Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. This is a very difficult step, for many, me included. And I've been doing a lot of soul searching for a long time, and still I know I have a lot more to do. Step 8 and 9 go hand in hand, step 8; made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all, step 9; made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. I don't know how I am going to be able to do this. I'm not ready to yet, not to all of them. What if doing this will hurt them emotionally? I know it will hurt me with most of them. I don't know.