widow

Right, so. I'm going to start writing this journal like there are people in the world that I'd like to share my thoughts with, and no doubt the thoughts and people will come.

I'm going through a lot with respect to my academic training. I've been inside my head for a long time now, and sometimes my mind has conflicts with those who come at it from its surroundings. Such as teachers, professors, old men that stand at the front of a room and pretend as though they have a handle on life more so than we do. I hope I don't at that age. I like being out of control.

Actually, that last statement couldn't be farther from the truth. I hate the idea of a rope being around my wrists and pulling out the tendins deeply imbedded near by bones to tell me what to do. Not my thing. I like being in control, but I have the idea that I'd like to be strung up and told how much my loved one loves me. I had a girlfriend once tell me that you can't *diss* B&D until I really got into the meaning of what it is to trust someone enough to let them capture, control, and do whatever the hell they want to with you. How do I do that?

I can't say that I want to, but at the same time I can. Guess it's a paradox now isn't it.

So much to learn.

That is all. Good night & I love the way the world smiles at you, and doesn't seem to let up - even when you've been growling at it for the past year and a half.

Love.

me.